Mainstream notions of what it takes to be fuckable are, well, fucked. There’s nothing sexier than owning and embracing your own body, and yet, people with disabilities are far too often overlooked when it comes to being hot.
So when Handi surveyed 50 babes with disabilities of all sexualities for the upcoming Handi Book of Lust & Disability, it shed plenty of light on the love lives of sexy ass people with disabilities all over the world.
One question which kept coming up was about the sexiest thing these interviewees have ever been told about their own disability. The answers were mixed, but they shouldn’t be surprising.
Melburnian Elle has arthrogryposis multiplex congenita, amniotic band syndrome and club feet. She loves it when her partners find her sexy inclusive of her disabilities, not in spite of them.
“I remember [my first boyfriend] looked at me and said, ‘I love your legs. I love the shape of your legs. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. I love the scars and I love the indentations around your ankles. I love your birthmark.’ It was this beautiful moment of revelation for me to know that my disability was something beautiful to someone else,” she said.
“That gave me permission to see myself as beautiful as well.”
Meanwhile, René from London loves it when guys froth over her WAP.
“As a woman with PCOS [polycystic ovary syndrome] and endometriosis, you are wet very quickly. I’ve spoken to other women just like me who have a lot of discharge. Guys get very happy over it; they think they made me this wet,” she said.
“But you know, I won’t pop their bubble.”
Obviously everyone’s different, and so too were people’s answers.
Some, like Andrew with cerebral palsy from Toronto, like it when their disability is part of the bedroom banter. Just don’t make it lame and condescending.
“If I can get a lover to whisper something like, ‘ooooooh, you’re a hot cripple’ in my ear during sex or something similar, I love it even more because it means they understand how important my disabled identity is to me, even in the bedroom,” he said.
“Conversely, if you call me ‘handicapable’ in the bedroom, you probably won’t get to touch my joystick.”
On the other hand, below-knee amputee Sam, from Seattle, prefers the opposite.
“I love when my disability goes unmentioned or, if it is mentioned, it’s casual and necessary like, ‘oops, your prosthesis fell off the bed’, or something,” she said.
“There’s a balance, and it’s really beautiful when someone already understands what that balance looks like.”
Emmanuella from Sheffield, UK, who has lupus and immune thrombocytopenia, made a similar point, saying it’s sexy when her partners are eager to transparently work with any challenges in bed.
“Being celebrated and feeling emotionally safe in vulnerable situations cultivates an environment for sexual ecstasy,” she added.
Plenty of people surveyed said they just love it when their partners go wild over their disability.
Raivynn DarqueAngel from Melbourne, who has cerebral palsy, nicknamed her vagina “The Velvet Vice” because of how great her body feels.
“I’ve been told that I’m snug, soft and warm, causing explosions of pleasure,” she said. “In that case I thank you, spasticity!”
Similarly, Katy from Worcestershire, UK, explained that her hEDS (hypermobile type Ehlers-Danlos syndrome) always works wonders in bed.
“The same genetic collagen mutation that makes me disabled also makes me soft AF,” she said.
“I’m so awesomely, freakishly, buttery-soft that from the first person I held hands with, to my partner now, everyone just dies over the little-baby-angel-hair-level of my skin’s delicious, mutated softness, and that makes me feel pretty sexy.”
And now, let’s end on some sexy wheelchairs. Or more accurately, some sexy people who use wheelchairs.
“One of my partners once said how much they loved it when I carried the to bed on my wheelchair,” said Henry from Lincoln, UK, who has chronic vertigo and myalgic encephalomyelitis.
“I could never carry anyone to bed before my disability.”
Shelby, from Leeds, UK, uses a wheelchair because of her spinal muscular atrophy.
Her answer about the sexiest thing someone’s said about her disability was more blunt: “Once in school a guy whistled at me because I got new wheels, haha.”