Well… fuck. COVID really put a dampener on our weekends, huh?
But the question that is seemingly on everyone’s mind right now (you horny bitches) is: can I get a good ol’ serving of Charles Dicken this weekend for Valentine’s Day?
Well, my horny, horny friends, I have some good news for you: yes.
While COVID may have ruined your plans for a romantic wine and dine experience, it won’t stop you from seeing your significant other and/or getting your fucc on.
The entire state of Victoria will go back to Stage 4 restrictions from 11:59pm on Friday night, which means that the same rules for intimate partner visits apply.
Although you can’t have visitors over, you’re still allowed to hang out with your significant other (intimate partner).
The government has provided quite literally no explanation as to what actually constitutes an intimate partner, but basically, if you’re rooting someone, you can see them.
Obviously, this includes husbands/wives and boyfriend/girlfriends, but it’s not limited to committed relationships. If, like all of my friends who have text me asking if they can see the guy they’ve been kinda-sorta-seeing lately, you’ve found yourself in a bit of a situationship, you can still see that person.
Essentially, if it’s an intimate partner that you would otherwise be spending the night with (see: not a random person at a bar that your beer goggles made you think was attractive), you’re fine to see them.
No, this isn’t an excuse to get on Tinder and find the nearest person to get intimate with. Although the rule is vague, the government is sorta depending on everyone not to abuse it so we don’t end up in lockdown for the rest of our lives.
I assure you, no random Tinder root is worth another six months in lockdown.
However, if you *are* seeing your significant other, you’ll have to follow the restrictions as if you lived with them.
“Intimate partners can visit each other, but when you are with your partner, or they are with you, depending on which home you are visiting, that is essentially your home, and the rules apply to you as if you both lived in that premises,” Andrews said previously of the intimate partner rule.
Essentially, this means you should probably stick to one person’s house for the duration of the five days, preferably the one with a more extensive UberEats selection.
So there you have it, folks. You can still get laid for Valentine’s Day! It’s a horny miracle!