Self-Isolation Is Making Literally Everyone Text Their Exes & Oh Sweetie, Honey, No

Self-isolation has given rise to a new, terrifying pandemic: singletons across the globe texting their exes.

Brave truth-tellers have begun flooding the internet about their unified desire to text pass flings, or, conversely, about exes randomly coming out of the woodwork to say ‘long time, no see’ in the age of coronavirus.

It’s not surprising that self-isolation has led to a rise in messaging exes, to be honest. After all, when you’re cooped up inside, lonely and deprived of human contact, it’s only natural to throw on those rose-coloured glasses, think about the last person who gave you a sliver of affection and get all gooey and nostalgic about it.

It’s also no secret that self-isolation has left everyone unequivocally horny

Throw horniness and a $3 bottle of rose into the mix, and it’s the perfect recipe to begin reminiscing about that one date you went on with Rachel last year, or the time that cute boy on the bus made eye contact with you back in ‘09.

Does this mean you should message them? It depends. If you ended amicably and were sporadically chatting prior to Ms Rona, then why not? But if they fucked you over back in 2016 and you subsequently went around calling them the spawn of Satan to anyone who’d listen, I’d probably avoid jumping on FaceTime with them for a cute living room wine.

Here’s a wise piece of advice – if they were a piece of shit prior to coronavirus, they’ll be a piece of shit after coronavirus.

If they didn’t make you cum (physically and emotionally) prior ‘Rona, they most-likely won’t make you cum (physically and emotionally) after ‘Rona.

Hold this sentiment close to your heart the next time you think about messaging that ex. 

Which will be in approximately 5 minutes.

You’re only human.

And horny.