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Sure, people joke about not needing human sex when they’ve got a vibrator. But this is no joke. Given the choice, a sex toy can consistently do a better job than any person can. And it won’t ghost you or lead to catching feelings! So who are we to argue?  Cue: The Kurve vibrator from Hot Octopuss.

It comes with a soft-gel tip that can move to cover a broad surface area, and while I haven’t tried it myself, all I’m seeing and hearing is that this offers up a bit of a fleshy feeling otherwise provided by dicks and fingers. Squidgy, if you will!

kurve vibrator

Hot Octopuss Kurve Vibrator, $169.95

Hot Octopuss’ Kurve (yes, I will take any and all opportunities to drop this fabulous brand name) also has ergonomic contours that allow you to flexibly apply pressure where you want it.

Again, some IRL body parts just don’t know their way around an orifice.

Dubbed a “sex toy superhero on a mission to seek out your G-spot”, the Kurve is a stunning shade of magenta and has up to 210 vibration combinations. I’m the kind of person who gets overwhelmed with an extensive restaurant menu, but that being said, my vagina has also never gone out for dinner. So to speak.

Something tells me the extensive menu options here would be well-cummed, and with some explorational and trialling, you’ll find your go-to dish in no time.

These combinations include five different vibration modes and 25-speed to choose from. The Hot Octopuss Kurve lasts for up to two hours and charges just as fast. Pop it on the charge before your hair appointment, come home and mazz. We love it.

It’s also waterproof if you like other parts of your body to be wet whilst getting wet. Grab it for $169.95 + shipping HERE.

Big cums await!

Image: Hot Octopuss, Sex & The City