Does the thought of food get you more wet than say… boning?
What if we told you that you could use your salivation for edible goods to your drying-up sex drive’s advantage?
Welcome, friends, to today’s halle-fucking-jujah moment. There’s plenty of food that’ll make you hard as a rock / slippery as a slide, all while you’re still relatively untouched by gravity. Yay! After devouring the below article, you’ll be ready to go like Hugh Heffner on goatweed.
ASPARAGUS
Get ya greens before you get ya peens, people. This debatably tasteless stalk apparently has a purpose in this life, and it’s to amp up the stimulation / production of sex hormones thanks to it’s source of Vitamin E. Ahhh, if we must.
AVOCADO
Fucking great – another reason to splurge on this ridiculously exxy fruit aka nature’s butter.
Like ole mate asparagus above, the Vitamin E can also help to churn out testosterone, estrogen and progesterone, circulating in your blood stream and consequently stimulating sexual responses like clit swelling and vaginal lubrication. The rumours are true, foodies, edible goods can in fact drench your undergarments.
WATERMELON
There’s a reason you’re all so horny during summer, other than, y’know, half-naked bods going about their business.
Watermelon contains citrulline, which is similar to viagra in the way that it relaxes your blood vessels. The result means you’ll be aroused AF in less time.
POMEGRANATE
These lil’ beads are high in antioxidants boosting blood flow and increasing sensitivity CAUSE APPARENTLY WE LIVE IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE GENITALS AREN’T ALREADY HYPER SENSITIVE LOL.
BANANAS
‘Cause how can a phallus-shaped fruit not make us keen for some D?
It’s the potassium in this bent being that helps us contract like a mofo during orgasms, tho, whether penis / vagina / anus is more your flava. Fun!
WHO WOULDA THUNK IT – celery is more than water masked as food.
Let’s be honest – if you’re eating a lotta this, your bod is probably A+ and just looking in the mirror works as a natural aphrodisiac. But it actually contains summin’ called androsterone, acting as a pheromone which, apparently, makes females get all hot and heavy around the man that chomped it down. Sounds a little whatever / heteronormative to us, but if you’re a straight male, go for ya life and give us updates.
SALMON & WALNUTS
Fish and nuts… of course.
These are both packed with Omega-3 fatty acids which are known to keep sex hormones at their sexual peak, as well as pumpkin seeds and flaxseeds.
CHOCOLATE
Wouldn’t it be nice if the world gave ya another reason to eat choccy?
Here’s one – the brown goodness contains the chemicals anandamide and phenylethylamine which boost serotonin levels. If you’ve ever had sex on pingas you’ll know that this is a feel-good hormone definitely makes ya hangry for a bit of highly charged hanky panky.
CHILLI
The spice of this devilish, generally booma-wang looking specimen warms you up, gets your heart pumping, stimulates nerve endings and increases the blood flow. Translate: you’ll be sweating, pumping, tingling and ejaculating til kingdom come. But, for the love of unscathed genitalia everywhere, do wash your hands before charging towards any orifices.
OYSTERS
We’re sorry, but it’s true – these slippery suckers do in fact have you swiftly saying Hey, Hey It’s Fuck Day. There’s a reason “Mr Pussy” – aka Charlotte‘s felacio-mastering boyfriend from Sex And The City – uses an oyster to tease his licking / flicking talents.
Cracking that clam open to reveal its inner / always-moist beauty isn’t dissimilar to that of a lady’s VAGINA, but there are nutritional properties to back this one up too. It’s high in zinc which can boost semen production and regulate sex hormones. Experts reckon it’s those sensual slurping ~feels~ that really get us going, tho.
Hungry yet?
Get ya grocery shop done, pick up a special friend in isle 3 and take ’em to town with your newly discovered up and at ’em sex drive.
Your sexual inclination towards food will be overpowered by your new-found love of eating, er, everything else the human anatomy has to offer.
