We’ve all been there. You’re seeing someone, everyone around you is like “they’re pretty shit, hey”, and finally you realise – they’re a fuckboy.

I like to think the term “fuckboy” is genderless – women can be fuckboys. It’s basically anyone you’re dating who is treating you poorly, makes you do all the legwork, and generally causes you more grief than happiness. It’s everything from the 1am “u up” text to regularly leaving you on read.

There’s always a realisation moment when you’re dating one of these trash-humans, where you finally understand why all your mates have never liked the person. It’s the realisation that they suck a bag of dicks and are horrible to you.

At that point, you want payback.

You want the tables turned.

Well the sad fact is you likely can’t turn the tables, because fuckboys are fuckboys due to the fact that they don’t really give much of a shit about you. But! You CAN leave that toxic non-relationship with dignity, and end things on a high.

Here’s how.

1. Stop Texting & Leave That Asshole On Read

What To Do When You Realise You’ve Been Dating A Trash-Human & Wanna Exit On A High

The most frustrating thing in the UNIVERSE is when someone just stops replying to your texts, or worse – leaves you on read. Even the most DGAF human being finds this insanely annoying. So it’s the perfect way to end something with a fuckboy, of course.

I do not care what that person next texts you, you do not reply. You DO NOT. Even if it’s “hey, I miss you”. No, that is lies, you adorable idiot. Don’t buy into it. When you see the notification, wait an hour, read it so it’s left on read, then never ever respond.

I can almost guarantee you you’ll cop another message by the end of the day. Ignore that too – better yet, read it and leave it on read as well!

Eventually they’ll stop, and who won that round? You did, babey!!

2. Unfollow Them

What To Do When You Realise You’ve Been Dating A Trash-Human & Wanna Exit On A High

I once was hooking up with this toxic turd of a dude who was so obsessed with himself, he would notice (!!!) when I’d unfollow him. I did it because we’d had an argument and he’d said some really fucked up things to me, and that was my turning point. I didn’t mean for it to cause a reaction, but it did.

People who are in a fuckboy stage of life are painfully obsessed with themselves, so when you opt out of following their lives, that hurts. Don’t make a song and dance out of it – again, I can almost guarantee they’ll notice – just quietly unfollow them on social media.

It’s also nice for you, it’s cleansing. Cleanse them outta your life!

3. Update Your Dating Profile

What To Do When You Realise You’ve Been Dating A Trash-Human & Wanna Exit On A High

Another fun thing you can do is update your dating profile. Put a new pic in there! Change the bio! If you met this person on a dating app, and you’re still matched, once you stop replying to their messages (you did that, right?) they’ll go into WTF-just-happened mode and start stalking you. Not LITERALLY, just the basics – what are they doing on Instagram, on FB… on their dating profile.

What’s more of a fuck you than a freshly pimped profile for attracting new, not-shit people to date?

4. Call Them On Their Shit

What To Do When You Realise You’ve Been Dating A Trash-Human & Wanna Exit On A High

Now, I don’t always think this is a good idea because nothing grinds a fuckboy’s gears than someone who simply stops responding to their crap. But if you’re committed to blowing this person off forever, one concise text telling them how it is can be really satisfying. AND not make you look despo, if you’re worried about that – there’s nothing losery about being upfront, in my opinion.

If you are gonna do this, my advice is – keep it short, keep it blunt, and don’t make it personal. For example, don’t rag on their personality or looks, that’s fucked. Call them on behaviour, not on who they are – they can change, and we should always be sensitive to this I think.

Also, don’t do it when drunk – you’ll ramble on for 1000 words and likely get too emotional about it.

5. Be Civil Next Time You See Them

What To Do When You Realise You’ve Been Dating A Trash-Human & Wanna Exit On A High

If this person is part of a wider friendship group and you’ll likely run into them at a party in future, don’t blank them. Blanking someone says “I still care about you”. Instead, smile if you catch their eye, say hello if you pass them at any point, and leave it at that.

The civil attitude will be the most infuriating thing, trust me.

The most important thing when extricating yourself from a fuckboy situation is to do just that – get out of it completely. If you do any of the above and then rock up to their place next time they text you in the dead of night, you go back to square one. And you’re better than that! Stand your ground, delete them from memory, begone Satan vibes, ok?