It’s an exciting time to be alive, folks, because PEDESTRIAN.TV are today launching a brand spanking new section of our site… All about dating. Our mates at How To Drink Properly have hopped aboard to get it up and running, so you can thank them. Classy drinking can have a big impact on whether or not you get lucky, because no one likes dating a wasted, blubbering mess. Plus, if you take control of your drinking instead of being an amateur, you have less of a chance of pissing the bed. Nice!
Doesn’t matter who you are – whether you’re a Victoria’s Secret model, a millionaire or a kite-flying enthusiast – dating can be difficult.
The stakes are high. Where did you meet them? If it was on Tinder, Grindr and the like, they might rock up and look nothing like their pics. Their witty, Google-enabled banter mightn’t translate in person, either.
How about if you met them out on the tear? It could be the start of a genuine fairytale a lá Mary and Frederik. Then again, you could meet up with them the next day and realise beer goggles are A Very Real Thing to avoid.
But that’s half the fun of it. Being vulnerable. Taking a risk. Throwing caution to the wind. To give you more of a chance of rubbing that first spark into a blaze, here’re some hot dating tipz and tricks. If anything, they should give you a little more confidence once you pick a fine apple-bottomed honey to take out.
DO: Turn up on time.
Accustomed to being fashionably late, are we? Quit it.
here come dat boi o shit waddup!
Being stood up is a risk involved in dating, and for the person waiting, every minute can feel like an arduous, hellish lifetime. It’s a good way to get your rodeo partner’s heart rate soaring – not optimal just before the meeting.
If you’re meeting at a bar, for example, and you get there before your match / unsure of what to do with your hands, order yourself a swanky drink. Have a few sips. Take a few deep breaths.
DON’T: Check your phone throughout the date.
Unless you’re waiting for a mega important call about something life-threatening or of equal importance, it’s best to keep your phone in your pocket. There aren’t many acts more insulting in this day and age than phubbing someone.
we know but u gotta try
Yeah, you might have just uploaded a fire selfie to Instagram, but compulsively checking the like-count (even if it’s just a glance down!) suggests you’d rather be elsewhere. Two out of ten, would not recommend.
DO: Ask more questions.
Just like everyone likes the smell of their own brand, everyone likes to discuss themselves and what they value. A lot of people talk too much when they’re nervous, afraid of any awkward silences.
Instead, try and recognise when you’re bleating on too heavily, tone it down, and ask your date a question. Remember to listen for the answer, too, because:
DON’T: Get wasted before.
Alcohol has long been known as a social lubricant. But downing 4 Jimmies in rapid succession before meeting them? Not the best idea.
If you’re gonna drink on the date, take it one at a time and have some H2O in-between.
DO: Pack gum.
Nervous breath is a real thing. Nothing a pack of Wrigley’s and a sip of water can’t fix, though.
DON’T: Come on too strong.
This is a contentious point.
It’s all about mirroring behaviours. If your date is vibing you hard and you’re feeling it, reciprocate. If you really fancy them but you’re unsure of the signs on their end, keep it cool.
DO: Offer to pay for the bill.
It’s arguably the most awkward bit of the date – you finish up your meal / drinks / ice cream and it’s time for someone to pay.
Times are (thank the sweet Lord) a’changing, and if you’re on a hetero date, it’s no longer considered ‘the norm’ for the dude to pay. Some will still insist, thinking it’s gentlemanly, but it’s not a given. Some women find it plainly insulting when a guy insists he pay.
It changes from scenario to scenario (as do all of these points), but a good rule of thumb is for the person who initiates the date to pay. Though it’s a nice gesture to offer to pay if you’ve had a good time.
DON’T: Talk about your ex too much.
Yes, Taylor may have held a masters degree in Molecular Biology / volunteered at the pet shelter every Sunday / been the best lay you’ve ever had, but you’ve broken up, and talking about how great they are will only make your potential mate feel inferior and/or irritated.
It’s a pain to have your ex on the brain – but it’s even worse listening to someone wax lyrical about theirs.
If the topic of exes rears its ugly head, mention your old flames briefly, but don’t bother with the details. An aphrodisiac, it is not.
DO: Eat.
If your hour-long date turns into a half-day affair that involves having a few drinks, it’s best to chuck some form of food in there. Having food in your tum-tum slows alcohol absorption, meaning your blood-alcohol level won’t skyrocket.
DON’T: Use cheesy lines on them.
This starts from that very first interaction on Tinder. Don’t use a copied-and-pasted line about falling from heaven or wanting someone to SOMF you. It suggests laziness and a lack of originality, two unappealing traits indeed.
may as well say this
Instead, if you’re going to pay your d8 a spicy compliment, relate it to something unique to them. Make a nice comment about a hobby of theirs you find endearing, or that you like the style of their jeans? Jesus I don’t know.
And most importantly, DO: Go easy on yourself.
If you fluff up and nervously blab on about your childhood pet Tweety the canary had its head bit off by a cat when you were seven, don’t be too hard on yourself.
And remember to have a mega good time.
(And use protection!)
Photo: There’s Something About Mary.
