Life can be one giant awkward situation, so we’ve teamed up with Sprite to help y’all stay cool, calm and collected and just own it aye. Whether it’s bumping into an ex, nutting out the prickly office politics of a new job or deciding how to finish off a first date, they’ll make you feel refreshed as heck after cutting through that heat. Head to their Facey HERE to see why y’all #needasprite for uncomfy moments.
With the widespread use of Tinder and everything else that (ahem) comes with it, first dates are becoming something of a regular occurrence. People are almost getting almost… good at it.
It can leave you looking like a newly-single pleb who “doesn’t really date“, you know?
Fear not, ’cause we’re giving y’all some tips on how to successfully cut through the heat of first date moments, so that you get a second, third, fourth date and consequently never have to endure that debut meeting ever again.
I’m not an expert in locking ’em down, however, I am an expert in making potential baes drop like flies. That being said, I am a trusted opinion in telling you what not to do, and I think that’ll do, right?
WHEN THEY LATE AF
The situation: You’re there first and sitting at a table like a loner.
How to avoid it: If they haven’t shown up after thirty minutes – call it. Whether they’ve messaged you or not, it’ll set the power play for the entire night and awks moments will ensue.
THE UNCOMFY GREETING
The situation: You’ve either never met before or were a few drinks deep when you did.
How to avoid it: Just hug. You’ve just met, and even if you had swapped saliva before on a boozy night out, it’s essentially still the first meeting (you know what we mean). Once you’ve figured out the hug situation and which side your head will be to his cheek, then quickly figure out if you want to plant a kiss. You can generally tell if they’re going to pop one of the cheek – you can see it in the direction their eyes go in.
AN UNBEARABLE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE
The situation: You arrive and when he / she stands up you realise there’s a maje difference. IT’S A REAL PROBLEM, PEOPLE, LOGISTICALLY.
How to avoid it: Ask the other party their height beforehand if it matters to you all that much. You’ve got to remember that you’re not the only person in this world that cares about height. Me, being quite tall, have fanged that info on dating profiles in the past. It filters out the shawtys before you’re too far in.
WHEN YOU MENTION INFO FROM SOCIAL MEDIA INTEL
The situation: You had a lil’ stalk on their social media before you met them, where you noticed that they had the same breed dog as you 😮 😮 :o. It must be love. But then you bring that up before they do. “How’d you know that?” they ask. Oh dear. Oh god. This is bad.
How to avoid it: It might be hard, but try your darndest not to look at their channels beforehand. It kinda takes the fun out of the whole “getting to know each other” thing. If you seriously can’t, then it’s always best to own up to this situation. This is 2016, people, and chances are they stalked your socials too. It will take the weight off.
AWKWARD SILENCES
The situation: You’ve gotten through the basics: where you’re from, what you do for work and if they’ve been to the place you’re at before… and then it happens. Silence of the damned.
How to avoid it: Be attentive when they talk about their job / dog / mate so you can bring that back up later, or make sure you read the news that day (on our site, clearly) so you can just talk about that. Alternatively, do something interactive instead of drinks / dinner, like, I dunno, a sushi train or standup comedy.
YOU’RE DOING ALL THE TALKING
The situation: They’re basically a mute so you keep cutting through all the awk silences by talking about, er, yourself. You didn’t get all dressed to go on a date with yourself (even though like, you’re a deadset catch), right?
How to avoid it: Ask questions and put the pressure on them. If they give you closed-ended answers then I’d probably look at wrapping the whole thing up: it’s a nice insight into your future. Hear the cues, even if they’re not particularly loud.
YOU CAN’T HEAR ANYTHING THEY’RE SAYING
The situation: The music is too loud and you no compute.
How to avoid it: Make sure you go somewhere that’s not too busy or opt for a weeknight date so you can actually hear each other, duh.
THAT BLEEDING SCAB YA’ PICKED
The situation: You’re getting ready and you have a slight inkling that the big ol’ scab on your face might look better if you pick it and let it dry real quick. Could be true, unless it doesn’t stop bleeding, or you accidentally graze it later in the night and it starts up again unexpectedly.
How to avoid it: DON’T PICK IT. EXERCISE SELF CONTROL. YOU’LL HATE YOURSELF FOR IT IF YOU DON’T. If all else fails, hold your finger on it as if it’s a natural thinking pose.
THE CONFLICTING INTERESTS
The situation: Woops, turns out they’re “not really a dog person“. They are NOT OK. Things are NOT OK.
How to avoid it: Don’t get deep on politics / religion / anything that could get heavy or grind your gears quickly. Save that for date two or three (should you make it that far), because by then you can gauge how flexible they are with their opinions.
WHEN YOU GET THE CHECK IN TEXT / CALL FROM THE M8
The situation: You told your pal about the date and they haven’t heard anything from you, so natch they’re worried. Then a text appears on your phone saying “So like WTF is he hot or what?” with a bunch of eggplant emojis.
How to avoid it: If you must have your phone out of your bag, put it face down. It’s date one so if they think you’re hiding something from them already, then like, seee yaaaa.
PAYING THE BILL
The situation: It’s bill time. Do you offer? Do they offer? WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO.
How to avoid it: It’s an unwritten rule that the one who asks the other person out pays. You’re doing them a favour, remember? But honestly, if you cop the bill, $50 isn’t so rough a price to pay to find out that this person is not the love of your life. A good choice is to just go for drinks and do rounds. “I’ll get this one” implies that they’ll get the next. We’re all relatively poor. Help a brother out.
THE AWKS GOODBYE
The situation: Hmm, should you go in for the kill or just hug it out? You’re vibing, but are they? At the risk of going full Cosmo on y’all, let’s move onto how to tackle this sitch.
How to avoid it: If you like ’em, I reckon you should just turn it up a notch from how you first greeted to show your interest. Whether that’s hugging for a lil’ longer, planting one on the cheek but closer to the lip region (on the face, sickos) or rubbing their back. Make your intentions known, but give them a scapegoat if they’re not keen. It’s kind of hard to remove a tongue from your mouth but it’s not so hard to be like, “Better go, bye.“
THE AFTERMATH
The situation: OMG WE SWAPPED SALIVA I LOVE HIM / HER I THINK SHE MIGHT BE THE ONE WHEN CAN WE GO OUT AGAIN. Calm ya’ farm, yeah?
How to avoid it: Plant some seeds when you leave the date. Have you got a big preso tomorrow and they wished you luck? Tell them that you’ll let them know how you go so when you text the next day it feels natural. Did they forget to feed their dog? Maybe ask ’em to let you know how ol’ Scoot is doing when they get home. If they don’t, then soz bebbs. You cooked it.
You gotta avoid those awks situations in life people, or, if it’s too late, step up and own it. THEY’RE EVERYWHERE. Next time ya’ #needasprite to calm ya’ farm and cool down – whether that’s running into an old flame, navigating a first date or tackling a prickly topic – head HERE.
Photo: Deuce Bigalow.
