In every profession, sometimes there are little things that just get kept secret so everyone else doesn’t have to see how the sausage gets made. Like, you wouldn’t think it but we actually all work collectively on headlines here at PEDESTRIAN.TV – so what you’re reading is probably the work of a couple of people. But that’s not what I want to talk to you about today, oh no. Today I gotta tell you that all dentists have a big secret, and it’s that they know when patients have been giving blowjobs.
This is incredibly alarming news to know exactly one (1) day before I go for a dentist appointment, let me tell you.
A claim went wild on TikTok in the last week, with @cianmcbrien claiming that dentists can fully tell if you’ve been having oral sex – especially if it’s been particularly, ahem, aggressive.
IM CRYING #fyp
The claim was verified (!) by an actual dentist (!!) who said there’s a certain spot in your mouth that gives the telltale sign you’ve been getting some machine-gun fellatio (!!!) and I’m absolutely screaming.
Dentist TikToker @thyrants said that it’s very much a real thing, because the, ahem, rigorous activity can bruise the soft palate, and is pretty obvious. The bruising is called ‘petechiae’, which are pinpoint red haemorrhages that tend to pop up on the roof of the mouth.
@thyrants said that dentists tend to not really give a shit about it unless the patient is underage or has other signs of abuse.
Dental hygienist @mandimaee brought even more knowledge to it, saying that yep, it’s very much a real thing, but it also depends on how recently you gave someone a blowie, and how intense it was. So like, a quickie three years ago isn’t going to show up (cos the bruising will have healed by then) but if you got absolutely brained a week before your appointment, they’re gonna know.
And dentist @dentite explained the science behind the bruising, by comparing it to eating a lot of lollipops and how that can damage your mouth.
So, there you go. It’s nothing to be ashamed about, but I dunno maybe if you want to keep your sex life a bit more private, don’t go full Cardi B and let someone touch that dangly bit down the back of your throat right before you go for a teeth clean.