So it pretty much seems like every day there’s a new way to refer to a person who is being a dating douchebag – and honestly, there are a lot of dating douchebags, so it makes sense. But in 2018 we’re a lot more tuned in to when someone is being a general shit, so it’s easier than ever to figure out if you’re wasting your time.
This buncha new terms not only gives us succinct ways to tell the person you’re dating that they aren’t treating you right, but it’s also a handy lil’ wake up call if you don’t even realise yet. And if that is the case, you delicate flower, we’ve got a podcast full of advice to get you through, so check that out below.
This is the one everyone knows, and at least 98% of people have probably experienced at some stage or another because let’s be honest, humans fuckin’ suck. Ghosting is what happens when the person you’ve been seeing suddenly up and vanishes without a trace – it could be after a meal, after getting down or even after they first meet the parents.
So no, to anyone who’s still confused, it doesn’t involve Patrick Swayze and a bunch of pottery (sadly). It’s essentially what happens when the person in question doesn’t have the balls to say to your face that they aren’t keen anymore. Not fun for any involved, so pls folks: JUST SPEAK UP.
Because dating terms needed a highbrow literary reference, Gatsbying is the big 2018 craze that we didn’t even realise we were doing but oh god, it makes so much sense that I feel personally attacked. This occurs when you post something on social media with the explicit intention of gaining your crush’s attention.
It comes from the novel ‘The Great Gatsby’, wherein the title character Jay Gatsby throws ridiculously outrageous parties in the hope that his love, Daisy Buchanan, will show up. Swap the party for an Insta thirst trap and you’re in Gatsby territory, friend. Guilty as charged, I am not ashamed of my dodgy social media habits, THANK YOU.
The slimiest of all terms on this list, zombie-ing is when someone who’s ghosted you comes back from the dead, lurking in your DMs and replying to the occasional Insta story just to let you know they’re back in town. Not allowed, go away sucker.
It’s probably the person who rejected you at first because a perceived better option came up (we say perceived because you are the best, obvs), and when that didn’t pan out they’ve come a’running for someone who will give them attention. So ya know, don’t give it to them.
This is a major pet peeve, folks. Breadcrumbing is what happens when the person you’ve been chatting to gives you juuuuust enough attention to keep holding onto the hope that something might happen eventually, but not enough that they’re actually invested in you. The worst kind of human, leaving you breadcrumbs to keep you coming back – it’s not cool.
Otherwise known as the phenomenon of a person taking you for granted and leaving you spewing mad angry insults about them because they make you feel so confused about what’s happening. Are you a thing? Are you not? What is happening? Mixed signals are the worst.
5. Fading Out
Similar to the ghoster, someone who fades out is not all that keen on your current arrangement but doesn’t have the guts to say so to your face. Maybe they’re someone who doesn’t like confrontation or someone who doesn’t like the idea of being completely alone until they find another option. Either way, you’ll start to notice they contact you less and less, and suddenly they’re gone altogether.
The worst part about this one is that you often don’t see it coming until you’ve gotten more invested. They’ve been checking out while you’ve been starting to get the feels, and it’s a gradual decline so they’ll be gone before you realise it.
Ahh, benching. The past-time of fuckboys and people who are afraid to be alone. Essentially what benching is, is the act of keeping a few options on the sideline just in case your main game doesn’t pan out the way you want it to. Dating multiple people at once is one thing, but actively keeping people on the hook just in case it doesn’t pan out with the person you really want isn’t fair at all – they deserve better than that.
Especially if the people on the bench have no idea that you’re seeing other people – that’s where the situation gets messy. They’re just chilling there thinking that you’re all hunky-dory and on track, but actually they’re a fallback. Not exactly fun.
This is the true lurker of the dating world. You dated this person a while back – whether it was one date or a few months, it makes no difference. The kicker is, even if they broke it off with you themselves, they CANNOT. STOP. WATCHING. YOUR. INSTAGRAM. STORIES. Seriously they’re still watching and liking all of your stuff as if they’re still interested. But we are telling you now, they’re not. And yet they cannot look away.
Now, can’t really blame them. Your Instagram game is strong AF so obviously they want to know what’s going on. But more often than not, orbiters are probably also ghosters or faders, so they can go in the bin, please and thank you. Block them or ignore them.
Recognise any of these pesky lil’ relationship stereotypes? Maybe you’re even dating one of them (or you thought you were, but turns out you’re on the bench after all). Best get the fuck away from them ASAP and get back on the horse to find someone who’s not going to be an utter pelican when it comes to dating.
Goodness knows there are stacks of people just waiting for you to fall madly in love with them, so ditch the dodgies and find someone who will treat you like the deserving, powerful creature that you are.