Let’s make one thing clear. If you’ve ever taken way, way too long to reply to a text and claimed in your eventual response something like “sorry, only just saw this!” you’re a filthy, monstrous liar and should be put in jail. That’s not how mobile phones work in 2017, you pyschopath, and everyone knows it.
Nowhere is this kind of baldfaced bullshittery more proliferate than on Tinder, where our finely honed procrastination skills, means some conversations with potential dates devolve into glacially paced back and forths that are 80% “sorry about the delay!” and that can stretch out for literal years without progress.
This is exactly what happened to potential-couple Josh Avsec and Michelle Arendas, who swiped right on eachother all the way back in the much simpler time of 2014, and have since interjected the following three years with a grand sum of 11 unsubstantial, mostly apologetic messages:
Ok, now this is the shit I was talking about. Anyone who’s attempted the “sorry my phone died” Tinder reply at any time, let alone after 2 months, should be exiled for crimes against romance.
Anyway, Josh decided to share the above apology-marathon on Twitter, assumingly initially just for dem sweet re-tweets, but after it went a smidge viral Michelle too joined in to mock their long-running (and obviously partly contrived) sorry-off.
sorry I’d reply but I need to give it a few months !
— Michelle Arendas (@mch_rnd) July 8, 2017
Thankfully it looks like Tinder itself is now stepping in to assist those stuck in endless loops of Tinderpologies, as after this story gained even more traction, with many Tweeters voicing their support for the star-crossed lovers, they’ve offered to put an end to this repetitive nightmare.
we’re not just gonna ignore that both of you are showing off big cats in your profile pictures
this is fate pic.twitter.com/P9qd9bqdMU
— Mikaela Long (@MikaelaLong) July 10, 2017
It’s time you got together IRL. You have 24 hrs to decide the city you want to have your first date in and we’ll send you there! @mch_rnd https://t.co/7r2JQtcxKC
— Tinder (@Tinder) July 10, 2017
That whiff you just picked up by the way, is the smell of sweet, viral marketing on the boil.
Whilst one could argue that three-years of nothing but concocted apologies doesn’t exactly scream romantic compatibility, the pair are smartly not saying no to a free trip and look to be off to Hawaii.
Aloha! We’re sending you to Maui but you can’t take two years to pack your bags! ???
— Tinder (@Tinder) July 11, 2017
OK FINE GOOD FOR THEM OR WHATEVER.
And just in case anyone thinks that because I’m raging against ‘faux-apology-for-delay’ Tinder messages, that it must mean I get them a lot, and am thus not very cool or hot, ACTUALLY, you’re wrong. I get replies all the time.
Oh look I got one just now, will you look at that, and it says “hello you really hot and cool guy lets go on a date please”. Nice.
Picture: Twitter / Josh Avsec.
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