PEDESTRIAN.TV has teamed up with Queensland Health to make sure you're getting STI tests regularly.

Folks, you read the headline. You know what you’re here for. You know what’s coming (no, not like that). It’s chlamydia. We’ve all heard the stories. 

Maybe it was online, or perhaps it was delivered in person by a friendly policeman at a year 11 assembly that was called because an unorthodox amount of students had been caught getting randy in public places (just my school?).

Whichever way, you probably got the message that chlamydia is MASSIVELY on the rise and the way it’s getting out there (i.e transmitted) is through sexual contact. But what you may not know is that chlamydia transmission is not just from one set of genitals to another. Here’s the lowdown on what’s down low.

Whether you’ve got a peen or vagine, you can catch chlamydia. Heck, everyone has a butthole, you can get it there too.

And while chlamydia tends to gravitate towards its preferred zones (peens, vagines, buttholes…okay you get it), it can be also be found in your mouth — these lil’ suckers aren’t picky.

What that means for you lustful souls, is that it’s absolutely possible to transfer chlamydia from genitals/anus to mouth OR from mouth to genitals/anus when you smooch your partner’s special parts.

Got chlamydia (possibly unknowingly) in your butthole? That can get all up in someone’s gob. If your sexual partner shoots their shot without warning? That can even get you le clap of le eye. Yep. That’s your eyeballs. You do not want this in your peepers. Do not rub your eyes after a successful wristy, people.

The important thing to remember here is that chlamydia is incredibly common (in fact, it’s the most commonly reported STI among young Aussies), which means we need to be talking about it more often — and ditching the stigma around it. It’s super easy to catch, but it’s also super easy to avoid catching.

So let’s talk protection.

How to avoid it

Some people with peens have an aversion to condoms at the best of times, right? If I had a dollar for every time myself or one of my mates has copped the ol’, “but it doesn’t FEEEEEL as good” (that I can only ever hear in my mind as a dull whine), I would have enough money to purchase my weight in frangers.

Well, safe sex is important no matter what you’re doing, so you’ve also gotta get them to wear one when you’re giving a gobby. Why? Because condoms are your best bet against catching chlamydia (though they aren’t 100% effective, so be careful). They’re also the best bet against other sexually transmissible infections (STIs) and unwanted pregnancy, so I’m seeing an awful lot of wins here.

And DO NOT think that peen-havers are the only ones who need protection here. If you’re getting licky on a vagina or anus, you can also use dental dams, which (for those people who are currently picturing an army of mouth-sized otters bravely creating a barrier around your gob) are “latex or polyurethane sheets used between the mouth and vagina or anus during oral sex,” according to the Centre for Disease Control.

Oh, also, refrain from brushing your teeth or eating sharp foods after gobbies. It’s danger-zone.

“It is possible to transmit (catch or pass on) many sexually transmissible infections through oral sex without a condom,” says sex education website Open Doors.

“Do not clean your teeth, floss, use mouthwash, eat food such as toast or crisps just before, or just after, having oral sex. This is because all these can cause small cuts in your mouth, making it easier for infection to pass from one person to another.”

Other than that: GET YOURSELF TESTED.

I’ll say it again: GET. YOURSELF. TESTED. REGULARLY.


I’m not even kidding here — there are so many people who are in the dark about whether they do or don’t have chlamydia because they don’t get checked as often as they should. Pop into your GP or local sexual health clinic regularly and make sure you’re informed about what’s going on.

You should make sure that you go see a doctor and get yourself tested (for ALL sexually transmissible infections) every few months and after every new sexual partner — it’s always better to know than not know.

It’s not something to be ashamed about, and it sure as heck isn’t something you should put off. Stigma around sexually transmissible infections is way overblown (pardon the pun) and we should be normalising testing.

Be good to your fellow horny humans and don’t insist on getting nasty if you’re unchecked or untreated.

It’s not hard.

Image: Bridesmaids