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As much as we love them, vibrators can be real chaotic energy sometimes. They come in every shape, colour and size and it can be kinda confusing when it comes to getting your rocks off with them. Obviously, we all have different wants/needs when it comes to reaching orgasm, so you can find vibrators that are gentle and build things up slowly and ones that send major shockwaves through your entire bod — the choice is yours. 

Most vibrators and vibrating sex toys have different levels of intensity, and the top-rated ones almost always do (cause ya know, the pleasure is in your hands). Since we have nothing better to do in our spare time, we decided to road-test some top-rated vibrators. Who says we don’t do anything for you?!

1.Vush Majesty 2

We Just Tested A Bunch Of Top-Rated Vibes & Almost Blew Our Fkn Bits Off

Vush Majesty 2, $75 (usually $150)

In case you’re wondering, yes this is the vibrator made famous by queen Cardi B in her music video ‘Up’. And you already know it’s gotta be good if Ms Cardi is giving it a sneaky feature.

Experience-wise, we reckon this is a great all-rounder – from entry-level users to those of you who are serial vibe collectors. It’s easy to use, the functions are self-explanatory, and it’s not too wild on the clit.

One thing to note — this is NOT as quiet as we hoped. So if you’re in a sharehouse with thin walls and all that, then you might wanna rethink.

If you wanna try something more clit-focused, then Vush is also offering a 50% discount off the Empress 2 if you sign up for their 30-day masturbation challenge (we promise it’s not as wild as it sounds).

2. Frenchie The Double Entendre

We Just Tested A Bunch Of Top-Rated Vibes & Almost Blew Our Fkn Bits Off

Frenchie The Double Entendre, $90

Okay but Frenchie ATE with this one and left no crumbs, we’re telling you. Not only do the dual-ends both have motors for double penetration, but it’s completely bendable so you can change the shape depending on what tickles ya fancy.

It’s also sooo solid when it comes to remaining quiet and discreet — we know a lot of vibes claim they are only to turn ’em on and they sound as loud as a fucking garbage truck on bin day, but this one actually checks out.

3. Womanizer Starlet

We Just Tested A Bunch Of Top-Rated Vibes & Almost Blew Our Fkn Bits Off

Womanizer Starlet, $77.97, usually $119.95

The Womanizer Starlet is a hyper-popular sex toy. It made waves for mimicking oral sex, rather than just vibrating on top of your clit like a standard toy. So if you’re a fan of taking the downtown train but don’t have a partner/they’re sick of you always asking — get one of these. 

In practice, this was probably a top fave of ours. There’s something about sending sensation around your clitoris, rather than directly on it, that prolongs the build-up to orgasm.

It’s also waterproof if you prefer to take your sexy time aquatic, FYI.

4. WeVibe ‘Jive’ Vibrator

We Just Tested A Bunch Of Top-Rated Vibes & Almost Blew Our Fkn Bits Off

WeVibe ‘Jive’ Vibrator, $169

As the name suggests, this WeVibe device fits into your underwear and can be used remotely by either you or a partner — especially if you’re toughing out a long-distance relationship RN. 

For solo use though, it’s great if you prefer to have both hands free. Maybe you’re scrolling on PornHub, or prefer to touch elsewhere. If that’s you, this means you can still get vibrator pleasure without having to use a hand.

5. Happy Rabbit G-Spot Vibrator

We Just Tested A Bunch Of Top-Rated Vibes & Almost Blew Our Fkn Bits Off

Happy Rabbit G-Spot Vibrator, $139.95

Out of all the vibrators we trialled, this had to be the most fucked up (in a good way). It vibrates inside you, and outside you. The rabbit ears — everyone knows rabbit vibrators are famous for a reason – hit your clit in JUST the right way.

But the fucked up part is the levels you can get to with this vibrator. There are 12 shaft functions and three speeds on the rabbit ears. It has TWO motors. And the tip of the shaft hits your g-spot.

We tried it at the top speed and almost passed out. It’s probably a bit too much unless you can handle strong vibrations, but the beauty is you can alternate — so leave the shaft vibrations off and just work with the ears, and vice versa.

One thing to note — this was by far the loudest of all the vibrators. Your entire house will most definitely know what you’re up to – but maybe that gets you off?

Image: Sex And The City