Sexual fetishes, amirite?
As ubiquitous as Tinder has become, if you wanna get to bang-town with someone whose tastes are a little out of the ordinary, it’s not exactly the most time efficient method of doing so. But since Tinder ~blew the top off~ dating in the 21st Century by making it not just socially acceptable to meet someone online but also a fun past time, hundreds (if not thousands) of similar apps have sprung up.
And while there are plenty that claim to be the ‘anti-Tinder’ – a.k.a. they’re for people who’re in for a long time not just a quick time – we’re not really interested in the ‘eHarmony repackaged as Tinder 2.0‘ apps of the world.
One of the first ‘Tinder, but for XYZ’ apps out there, 3nder was originally conceived as a way for hooking up threesomes (hence the name), but quickly evolved into a dating marketplace for all kinds of sexual fetishes. You can avoid bumping into anyone you know on Facebook by choosing Incognito Mode, and you can anonymously invite friends to join the app. If you got really into a fetish with an ex and now don’t know how to find that again, this may be for you.
How strange, to witness the encapsulation of ‘peak 2014’ (yes, this is two years old) and find it *not* a chain of cereal cafes. Weird. Anyway, Bristlr is ‘Tinder but for beards’, with the aim of connecting beard owners with beard lovers. Creator John Kershaw tells PEDESTRIAN.TV that in Australia (the app is primarily based in the UK) there is a “real shortage of good beards” – but plenty of ladies. Gentlemen, step right this way.
This is exactly what it sounds like: a dating website for Star Trek fans. It’s where Trekkies can go to find someone who shares their passions, who can talk dirty in Klingon, who can beam them up into pleasure town. Is this you? The website does advise one should “work on your Star Trek knowledge because this is what turns our members on”, so safe to say I’d have all the erotic pull of a wet tissue.
This is – no fucking joke – a dating website for people who believe Bush did 9/11. Or who believe in chem trails… or aliens… or something called Jewish mind control. Really it’s for anyone who is “awake” and ready to mingle. We interviewed the Australian dude who launched it a while back, and he told us that talking about “socially inconvenient conclusions” distances you from all the sheeple suffering “reality denial syndrome“. An inconvenient truth, indeed.
Gluten Free Singles
Nope, I cannot with this website. But shout-out to the most worrying disclaimer yet:
More: http://www.glutenfreesingles.com/ (Don’t click this link.)
At last, here is a dating app for anyone who just can’t even with anyone who doesn’t know, for example, The Sex Pistols‘ entire back-catalogue, or how many years, months, days and hours it’s been since Radiohead last played ‘Creep‘ on stage. Yep, Tastebuds connects you to people with similar tastes in music, and even launched an app in 2012 that analysed your most played tracks on Spotify and used it to find you a suitable partner. For real though, this isn’t a bad concept at all – and if nothing else, is likely to pair music snobs with other music snobs and thus remove them from the dating pool for the rest of us.
Nope, this isn’t *exactly* a website for people with vampire / zombie fetishes or a weirdly erotic interest in death… kinda. It isn’t not *not* those things, either. Dead Meet is a dating site for people who work in the death industry – taxidermists, undertakers, embalmers, that kind of thing. Apparently, birds of a dead feather flock together. Doesn’t look like there’s much of a market in Australia, but attn: our mortem-intrigued American friends.
Here we go: Mouse Mingle is *the* dating app for people who just really love Disney (and presumably aren’t eight years old). Yes, the website looks like it was created in 2004 and then abandoned, and yes, their Instagram has one post and three followers, but ‘dating for Disney lovers’ definitely exists. Maybe this entire thing was made to connect the only two people in the world passionate enough to actually use a Disney-lover dating website, and now those two people have met, the whole thing is superfluous.
Aside from the very terrible promo vid with strong overtones of Fifty Shades of Grey – a book / film catastrophe that was outright condemned by the kink community for its wild misrepresentation of BDSM – this app doesn’t look half bad. You can list your sexuality on a sliding scale (e.g. “I am 75% into men”), filter by kinks, roles, experience and location, and if you are officially in the coolest relationship in the world, you can explore as a couple. Go nuts.
An invite-only dating app for the kink and fetish community that puts a big emphasis on providing a safe environment. The website looks a lil’ rough, but on the plus side, there are apparently no fuckbois and a membership that’s 45% female. Designed by women, Vanilla Umbrella says it’s friendly for “genuine men” and other genders.
Date My Pet
First of all, NO THIS IS NOT A BESTIALITY SIGHT YOU SICK FUCKOS. It a site for single animal lovers who want to get with other single animal lovers. Perhaps your ex hated cats. Perhaps they were allergic to dogs. Perhaps they were more obsessed with their pet’s Instagram than the animal itself… or maybe they were just real shit people. You know who are, by definition, not shit people? Animal lovers.
You know the first episode of Broad City, where Ilana and Abbi clean that dude’s house while he’s wearing a nappy and pretending to be a six foot baby? That is a real thing, and as you can probably imagine, it’s a pretty hard fetish to bring up IRL.(There’s a legit blog post on the website called ‘Oh how I wish I had a “normal” fetish‘, so yeah – the struggle is real.) Here, then, is their (and your?) place on the internet.
Raya is a bonafide ‘Illuminati Tinder‘ for hot and/or famous people, whose members include Flume, Cara Delevingne, Avicii, Ruby Rose, Jessica Gomes, and probably every Instagram model you’ve come across with more than 50k followers. It is notoriously secret (seriously, there’s probably half a dozen articles that have ever been written about it), but we have it on good authority that it is picking up steam in Australia, and is “babe city”. Get ‘gramming.
Vapers Cupid is for vapers to meet other vapers and presumably vape pre-, during, and post-coital, while they may make vaper babies to vape from inside the womb. Never go here.