Tortoises, man. They’re so bloody good. They’ve got nothing to do with their lives beyond eating food, walking around real slow, and attempting to further their species.
Last year gave us a tortoise that single-handedly brought his own species back from the brink of extinction by fathering over 800 bebes, and let me tell you, this one is just as good (if not better).
Enter the world’s oldest living creature, Jonathan. A 185-year-old giant tortoise from St. Helena Island who is trying his damned hardest to make sure his legacy will last through the ages by tryna do the sex with every other tortoise on the island.
In particular, Jonathan the Horny Tortoise is enamoured with his #1 squeeze, Frederica, who he has fancied for over 25 years.
Frederica came onto the scene 26 years ago, and Jonathan took to them very quickly. Apparently they do EVERYTHING together and God damn it’s so sweet.
It has been recently reported that the island’s vet discovered that Frederica might actually be Frederic, considering the tortoise has a deformity on the part of their shell that signifies their sex. So, the vet’s not 100% sure if Frederica is a male or female tortoise.
Jonathan clearly doesn’t see gender or monogamy, as he has also been spotted doin’ the dirty with one of the other female tortoises, Emily.
Who bloody cares, love is love, my good dudes. I’m just impressed that Jonathan still has it in him to get all horned up at 185 years of age.
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