A Floria council has been forced to close a local parkland on account of a huge snake orgy.
Yes, there’s a goddamn snake orgy. SNAKE. ORGY.
The Lakeland Parks and Recreation Department began investigating after residents reported an influx of snakes in the area.
In news that is completely unsurprising for Florida, it was a big ol’ snake orgy.
According to council officials, it’s mating season for the native Florida water snake. Unfortunately for locals, it appears they’ve set up camp in the local parklands for an orgy, consequently posing a hazard to public safety.
“It appears they have congregated for mating,” the Parks and Recreation department said in a Facebook post.
“They are non-venomous and generally not aggressive as long as people do not disturb them.”
In an effort to keep the public away from the dangerously horny snakes, the department has installed caution tape.
Throughout their announcement on Facebook, the department also acknowledged that the gatherings take place on a yearly basis, so you can rest assured that these snakes definitely got more action on Valentine’s Day than you did.
Basically, a plethora of snakes gather in the parklands surrounding the lake every year around Valentine’s Day to take part in a big orgy. Rather than disturbing the native species, authorities have decided to simply warn the public to avoid the area.
Thankfully, the snakes are expected to leave the area after they’ve done the deed.
“Once the mating is over they should go their separate ways,” the department said.
Ranging in size from approximately 24 to 42 inches, the snakes are relatively harmless. The creatures are not venomous, although they can bite if they feel threatened or the need to defend themselves.
If you live in the Lakeland area, expect to see a whole heap of baby snakes around the place in the coming months.
Regardless, it looks like horny snakes enjoyed their Valentine’s Day orgy.
This isn’t the first time horny snakes have posed a threat to the public, with a pair of pythons literally falling through a Queensland roof mid-root last year.
