I was scrolling through Reddit’s trending page this afternoon – innocently minding my own business – when I came across a post that instantly piqued my interest.
The animal kingdom obviously exhibits unique and eclectic ways to do le fucc, but the Sus scrofa domesticus (AKA domestic pig) nutting for half a bloody hour? Surely this was taking the piss.
‘Surely not,’ I thought to myself, stunned. ‘Surely fucking not.’
But as I typed ‘pig orgasm’ into Google (the FBI agents looking through my search history right now are probably quaking), I found that, lo and behold, this wasn’t just some isolated Reddit thread – this was, in fact, a claim that’s been made across the World Wide Web over the years and has been the subject of several scholarly studies.
“So is it true,” I then asked myself, “or has the pig’s orgasm fallen victim to a classic case of Chinese whispers?”
Well, the first argument against the admirable 30-minute orgasm rumour is that we, as humans, have never been pigs, therefore never experiencing a pig’s orgasm first-hand. (I hope you know I’m crying as I type this.)
BBC adopts this argument in its rejection of the notion, in the article “The truth about pigs”. “The first thing to say is that we don’t know what sensations the males – or the females for that matter – experience when they mate, so any talk of orgasms is speculative,” BBC‘s Henry Nicholls reports.
That being said, the article did mention a 2012 study of horny boars, and the subsequent finding that the average ejaculation time of the boars under study was 6 minutes, with one beast producing semen continuously for over 30 minutes. That’s pretty damn impressive.
I desperately wanted to believe in pigs orgasming for 30 minutes on average, though – I had faith in them, after all – and as I was giving up all hope, I came across their inclusion in the Guinness World Records as having the longest orgasm in a mammal.
“The longest orgasm in mammals is that of the domestic pig Sus scrofa domesticus,” the site reads. “On average, its orgasm lasts 30 minutes, but it can last for as long as 90 minutes.”
90 MINUTES. Imagine orgasming for as long as a feature-length film. Jesus.
The fact that the 30-minute orgasm rumour resides in the Guinness World Records certainly adds some credibility to the cause. And you know what? If it’s in the Guinness World Records, I believe it.
Also, I just really want it to be true because it’s a bloody admirable effort and I don’t want to live in a world where 30 to 90-minute orgasms aren’t possible.
Either way, it’s been a pleasure conversing you on this fine Sunday eve.
I reckon a pig’s average orgasm time is definitely a great conversation-starter at a house party or an intriguing first-date topic, so maybe store it in the mental piggy bank for later. (You’re so welcome.)
Merry boinking, everyone.Image: Getty Images / Image Source