I follow about 600 pet rescue sites on Facebook because I love to cry over animals with heartbreaking stories that are getting a second go at a happy life. I already have two cats and I can’t have a dog in an apartment because NSW renting laws suck, so I have to just admire these lovely creatures from afar. Last night I was scrolling through my FB feed, jonesing for a fix of heartwarming animal content, when I saw Daisy, a ragdoll cat currently being fostered by Sydney animal rescue group The Mini Kitty Commune.

Daisy is a lovely fluffy 9-year-old kitty, desexed, microchipped and vaccinated and according to the ad, she “is very easy going and doesn’t want for much, she loves company of humans but has also been around other cats so will do well after correct introductions.” Perfect, on paper. But the ad also alluded to Daisy’s, er, rather unusual facial markings.

???? Ragdoll Alert ???? Beautiful Daisy is ready for adoption.Some say she has unfortunate facial markings but we call it…

Posted by The Mini Kitty Commune on Thursday, 29 August 2019

That’s right, guys. Daisy has a dick on her face.

Daisy Dick Cat
Credit: Facebook / Mini Kitty Commune

A perfectly-formed, flesh coloured phallus right in the middle of her adorable noggin. Like, even the knob part has such detail.

Credit: Facebook / Mini Kitty Commune

It’s a thing of beauty and as the folks at Mini Kitty Commune say in the ad, “some say she has unfortunate facial markings but we call it totally unique”. And it is. Many other cats are dicks, but how many of them actually have dicks on their faces? Daisy is truly special, and if I didn’t already have two cats of my own you’d best believe I’d be adopting this precious penile pussycat.

Someone has to. Who needs to drop bulk cash on homewares or even impressive art for your walls, when you have a living, breathing masterpiece napping on your couch?

Credit: Facebook / Mini Kitty Commune

I don’t believe in God, but SOME divine intervention created Daisy, and frankly we’re not worthy of walking beside her.

If you’re looking for a furry friend, and even better, a furry friend with a penis on her face, please consider adopting Daisy. I just asked the CEO of Pedestrian Group if we could have her as our office mascot and he said no because there’s already too many dicks here. (Actually he’s allergic to cats, but my line was funnier).

Since I can’t have her, I want you to. Head to The Mini Kitty Commune HERE to apply, check out some of the other, (sadly less phallic) felines they have on offer, or to donate to their very worthy cat-rescuing cause.

Image: Facebook / Mini Kitty Commune