When it comes to vaccination, it’s important* we’re not forgetting about a crucial part of the experience. I’m not talking about booking your vaccine (which you should do!), or being ready for some flu-like side effects (which might happen!). I am, of course, talking about your vaccine Instagram selfie caption.
*Not important whatso-fucking-ever but let a girl live.
As everybody who’s ever spent hours trying to think of a justification for their blatant thirst traps knows, captions are hard. Captions when thousands of other people have already made the same joke? Even harder. It’s a rough world out there for the freshly vaccinated, folks! Everyone who did it quicker had their fresh pick of the caption puns. (Maybe that’s another incentive to book your vaccination faster? At this rate, I’ll take anything.)
To help you in your quest for posting a needle selfie and/or Band-Aid on your arm (both of which I’ve done), I thought I’d round up a couple options for you to swipe. Sharing is caring! Except for the novel coronavirus.
Here’s mine for my second jab, for example. It’s a layered joke across two slides, and I have no problem whatsoever if you take it and pretend you did it first.
I also added this note, which I’m going to repeat here: “I qualified for and booked these appointments months ago (thank you [Surf Lifesaving NSW]) but if the ball wasn’t already rolling on Pfizer, I would have gotten AstraZeneca injected directly into my eyeballs if it would make this end sooner. Let’s do this.”
Can’t repeat this enough. Any vaccine is a good vaccine.
There was also this absolute cracker from my mate / Channel 10 journo Taylor Ryan, which was a red hot second shot gag.
— Taylor Ryan (@taylorryan_10) July 30, 2021
And then there was this OTHER tweet from my mate and Mamamia podcast producer Sydney Pead, which inspired this piece:
help. I have my first AZ shot this arvo but I don't have a cute insta caption for my selfie yet. hmu
— Sydney Pead (@SydneyPead) July 30, 2021
vaxxed AZ, bro
— Alex Bruce-Smith (@alexbrucesmith) July 30, 2021
Astra La Vista
— Naveen Razik (@naveenjrazik) July 30, 2021
Easy Az that
— Social Sandwich (@socialsandwich_) July 30, 2021
Annoyingly, Ryan Renyolds – who is not my mate, but theoretically could be if he wants to be – took the 5g joke months ago, before most of Australia was even eligible.
A quick shout out to Dolly Parton, whose vaccine selfie caption unfortunately cannot be replicated.
— Dolly Parton (@DollyParton) March 2, 2021
Next, I asked my colleagues for their suggestions:
“My group chat loves a vaxxed and waxxed.” – Courtney Fry, proving that her group chat is populated by horny legends.
“Feeling so AstraZen.” – Saskia Morrison-Thiagu, demonstrating how YOU’LL feel after a getting a vaccine that makes you significantly less likely to be hospitalised with, die from, or pass along the Delta variant with just one dose.
“Pfuck yeah.” – Julian Rizzo-Smith, showing that sometimes simplicity gets it done.
Of course, you could also use your vaccination selfie to encourage other people to get the jab, either by appealing to their sense of community (don’t infect your loved ones!), their sense of self-preservation (this virus is severely impacting and killing young people, too), or their sense of wanting to be let the fuck out of the house and/or country (we have some high vaccination targets to reach).
If you’re not already following our daily vaccination updates on Instagram… well, that’s just fine. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do! But if you’d LIKE a snapshot of where the country’s at every day, well, smash that follow button.
Here’s another one for free and a good way to finish this piece: stick a jab in me, I’m done.
All adult Aussies (yep, even if those of us under 40) are currently able to get the safe and effective AstraZeneca vaccine through a GP.
The best vaccine is the first one you can get, and that’ll be our ticket out of this mess.