It brings me extreme displeasure to share the story of this poor TikToker and the even more unfortunate bloke who was sitting next to her on a plane, which involves a lot of vomit. In the wise words of Muffy from Arthur, it’s a “vomitrocious” anecdote. No word in the English language will ever encapsulate a yarn quite like it.
Angelina Nicolle (@angelinanicollle) took to TikTok to retell the stomach-turning tale. Try saying that five-times fast!
@angelinanicolllethis is why you should never be nice♬ original sound – angelinanicollle
“Hey guys, have you ever been on a flight from Bangkok to London and you’re sitting in an aisle seat next to a couple, and the man was sitting in the middle seat next to you and the girlfriend was on the window seat?” she began.
Look, I can’t say I have been in such a predicament, but never say never.
“And everything was going fine — the plane was beginning to just take off, everyone was getting their seatbelts on, and you were getting situated, minding your own business, reading your book,” Nicolle continued.
She noticed the man next to her began vomiting into his paper spew bag, but it was fine. Man’s gotta chunder! Planes are fickle, turbulent beasts. Those ‘yuge hunks of metal can cause even the strongest of stomachs to get a bit upset. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.
Unfortunately for this poor bloke, he could not stop yakking. It was several spews in quick succession, which sounds horrific and I feel for the guy.
At around the third vom (a new unit of measurement which I have just coined), the man’s girlfriend leaned over to Nicolle and asked if she had a spare chunder bag. Obviously, the TikToker frantically scurried through her seat pocket to find the wee paper baggy but, in a truly tragic turn of events, it was nowhere to be found.
“And I’m freaking out because the guy next to me throws up again. It’s continuing, it’s not stopping,” she said.
“Finally this girl in the aisle across from me notices what’s happening and quickly hands me her doggy bag and I turn over to give this to the guy who’s throwing up, and I notice that his paper bag is full to the brim … full to the brim with throw up.”
There are many a thing we like to be full to the brim. An unused perfume, perhaps. A stunning, gorgeous, iconic and awe-inspiring glass of wine. But a spew bag on a plane is not one of those things.
“If he throws up another time, it’ll literally overthrow,” Nicolle continued.
“So at this point, I’m holding the paper bag so that they can put the other paper bag in this paper bag because the bottom of [his] paper bag is so full of throw up that it’s starting to break open.”
Brace yourself, dear reader, for this is where the gag-worthy element of the story really kicks in. The vomitrocious climax, if you will.
“So then me and the girl are holding the ends of this paper bag so that the guy can put the other bag inside the bag,” she said.
“But the bottom of his paper bag — filled to the brim with his vomit — breaks open. And his vomit gushes out of the bottom, all over onto his lap and, unfortunately, all over me and all of my stuff that’s under my seat.”
I physically recoiled. I gasped. If I were a turtle, I would have retreated inside my shell.
But somehow, the worst part of all this is the fact THE PLANE WAS STILL TAKING OFF. The man sodden with his regurgitated breakfast, his girlfriend and a soggy Nicolle all had to sit in their seats for the next 10 minutes ‘cos the plane was taxiing and the flight attendant wouldn’t let them get up.
Now, obviously, this is a safety thing and I’m not going to question a flight attendant’s instructions. I do have raw memories of being a child on a turbulent flight and I had to take a slash so bad I was crying and the flight attendant wouldn’t let me take my seatbelt off. Mum had me watching Curious George to distract myself and to this day, I can’t look at that mischievous little monkey without getting flashbacks to that bastard flight.
But alas, I digress.
After stacks of people replied to Nicolle’s video asking for more details, she made a quick update vid.
@angelinanicollle Replying to @cmillyyrock ♬ original sound – angelinanicollle
Basically, the guy who threw up apologised profusely, was super embarrassed and felt terrible. Obviously, it was all beyond his control and was just a yuck situation but, you know, I understand that you’d be a tad self-conscious.
The flight attendants also moved Nicolle to another seat and, no, she was not upgraded.
Thoughts and prayers to all involved in this absurdly stressful plane experience. Taking an anti-nausea tablet in solidarity.