A criminal defence attorney from the freest country on earth has suggested we don’t use self-checkouts anymore because we could “accidentally” steal something. You simply cannot make this shit up. Man, I love a good TikTok rabbit hole.

Carrie Jernigan from the US state of Arkansas was spitting nothin’ but facts and flames when she hit the record button on this pearler of an upload.

@carriejernigan1

Reply to @afamily20202 I have no idea why it cut off

♬ original sound – LAWYER CARRIE

In Jernigan’s list of three groups of people who get arrested for stealing at the self-checkout, the first is the “yeah lol I deffo meant to steal” group. This one’s pretty self-explanatory so we’ll glide past this one.

The second is the “fuck my life, I legitimately forgot” AKA the “theft by mistake” group.

Here, Jernigan uses the example of a DVD (???) sliding under the purse of a customer who then gets busted by a security guard.

I’m sorry but if you’re so trapped in 2003 that you’re still buying DVDs I highly doubt you’re 2022 enough to also be the type of person on #LegalTok but who knows? Stranger crossovers have occurred.

The third and final group is called the “truly innocent” group. According to Jernigan, these folks get busted when the stock take comes up short and the stores look through their security footage to find which one of their thievin’ customers yoinked the missing goods.

It’s deffo worth noting that the main store Jernigan references in the video is the American store Walmart. Therefore, I doubt whether Coles, Woolies, Kmart etc would go to such length to find out who swapped the avocados for potatoes. But again, stranger things have happened.

In other borked TikTok news from the week, A Melbourne woman roasted a viral TikTok that turned her into a sob story without her consent.

Plus News Corp apparently apologised to TikTok 10 quiz host Miles Glaspole for nicking his trivia q’s. That’s a spicy meat-a-ball!

Image: TikTok via CarrieJernigan & The Simpsons YouTube