He’s got mysterious, dark eyes, blue hair and loves nothing more than smooching and dropping an F-bomb. Nope, he’s not TikTok’s latest pop-punk obsession: he’s a four-year-old budgie called Birdie Num Num and he’s looking for love.
Per the ABC, Kaz Roberts — the bachelor’s mum — posted a dating ad to social media for him because she wants her foul-mouthed friend to breed and spawn even more foul-mouthed babies.
And you know what? I have searched high and low but I can’t find the ad. I even made a Hinge profile, bought extra likes and changed my location to the Sunshine Coast (where the little lad lives) and I found zilch. Or in the wise words of Birdie Num Num, “sweet fuck-all”.
The ABC read parts of the dating ad on Story Stream, one of their radio programs:
“Eyes? Black. Plumage? A beautiful blue,” the presenter said.
I know looks aren’t the be-all and end-all in a relationship but he sounds like a dreamboat already. When was the last time someone pulled off blue as well as him? Léa Seydoux in Blue Is the Warmest Colour walked so Birdie Num Num could run.
“Favourite pastimes? I love long chats. Kisses. Stretching the wings. I’m a bit of a mummy’s boy, if I’m honest. I love long flights on the beach.”
Look, I genuinely think most of the drama on Married At First Sight 2022 could have been avoided if the contestants took a leaf out of Birdie Num Num’s book and communicated more. The king isn’t even afraid to show his soft and sensitive side, openly admitting he’s an affectionate mummy’s boy.
It’s unclear if the above quotes have been taken from the budgie’s dating profile or if the ABC was simply having a laff. If it’s real, he sounds like a sweetheart. But if it’s not, it’s still a great bit.
As for the swearing, the ABC said many of the words and phrases Birdie Num Num knew “weren’t suitable to print”. If you listen closely to the radio program, however, the boy said “prick” and “dickhead”. Go off, king.
Roberts told the ABC the post had been a hit but the lucky lady hasn’t flown by yet. If you have a foul-mouthed feathered friend at home who’s been looking a bit lonely lately, it could be time to fling them into the dating pool.
But if that fails, I nominate Birdie Num Num for The Bachelor. The Birdchelor, if you will. He would probably even be more diverse than the three white blokes Channel 10 cast for this year’s season.