After experiencing a break-up, one Reddit user decided to ask the channel r/AskMen about whether or not it was worth it to buy a fleshlight. The answers ranged from pure fkn chaos to genuinely good advice, and I’m here to share them with you.
We’ve all been through nasty breakups in our time, and the beck and call of sex toys is always right there waiting for us. They’re just really great to have in your arsenal (no pun intended there), but there’s truly no better time than when you’ve gone from boo’d up to on your lonesome.
User u/Delnilas decided to ask the internet whether or not it would be a good idea to purchase a Fleshlight, and his results were, as expected, a very mixed bag. Honestly, I have to say I learnt a lot about the odd-looking love tool just by perusing the forum with an observant eye.
Here are some of my favourite comments from the chaotic post.
“I’ve never tried heating mine. I would have thought to run it under hot water but I’ve never tried it,” wrote u/mylipslooknasty, who received 483 upvotes for their comment.
“They are pretty cool but clean up can be a pain in the ass. Also, the paranoia of someone finding it bothered me for a while.
“Additionally, using condoms with them will save you a lot of clean up time and I can’t say that it changes the sensation too much.”
Interesting, so it looks like it’s a good idea to wrap up before you slip in. Saves you the hassle of cleaning all the mess that these bad boys allegedly make. I wouldn’t know, I’m not exactly a pitcher you see, so these are the opposite of something I’d desire.
“My cousin went to juvie for a couple of weeks for stealing weed plants. My aunt made the mistake of cleaning his room. We were just casually visiting her and she pulls it out like HEY DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?! It’s been like 10 years and I still can’t make eye contact with my cousin,” wrote u/ICICLEHOAX.
Good to know. Good to know.
“For reasons I won’t get into I couldn’t bust a nut for like 2 weeks and my balls were literally in pain and it helped me to cum the biggest load of my entire life and finally get some relief,” wrote u/LoveFishSticks.
“Other than extenuating circumstances I would say it’s not really worth it cause it’s kind of gross after a while.”
And here comes a tip about how you should fuck your fleshlight.
“Don’t jerk yourself off with it, actually fuck it and build up your hip flexors and lower body,” wrote u/Human_Adverts.
I have no idea what a hip flexor is but it sounds sexy. What doesn’t sound sexy is this next guy’s comment, which instructs people to SLICE open their fleshlight and use it like a hotdog.
Use your imagination as to where the sausage comes in.
“Get a cheapo silicone one, cut it along the top and down to the hole as if you’re making a hotdog bun, put some lube directly in there along with your member and hump it,” wrote u/throwaway-donotjudge.
I have nothing left to say. I’m judging.
And finally, here is this golden nugget of advice that warns against getting a fleshlight.
“I thought it was gonna be cool but if you are like me and have sudden moments of clarity during masturbation, you’ll stop and feel like it’s silly and as others have been saying it’s gross to clean and especially with “post-nut” clarity I’ve felt almost ashamed (not really very seriously just something to consider),” wrote u/kevbot203.