Aussies are coming up with their own local equivalents for Four Seasons Total Landscaping, the random Philadelphia business tucked between a sex shop and a crematorium which Donald Trump‘s presidential campaign accidentally booked instead of the Four Seasons Hotel for one of its final, chaotic press conferences.

In case you missed it, instead of booking the five-star hotel, the campaign instead got Trump’s attorney Rudy Giuliani to address the press outside a disheveled-looking garage on the outskirts of town, which beautifully summed up the campaign’s flailing incompetency.

But what would an Aussie Four Seasons Total Landscaping look like? Where would we witness the crony of a failed Prime Minister give a final stump speech in, say, Melbourne?

In response to a Twitter poll asking where our own personal campaigns would give a final, disasters press conference, Aussies on Twitter have been scouting out (sub-)prime locations in Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra and beyond.

Take Stanmore Macca’s (the carpark, specifically). It’s the great equaliser of Sydney’s Inner West, and an ideal spot for a presidential demise.

There’s something about the drive-thru bottle shop of Ulladulla’s Marlin Hotel that really screams “rock bottom”, too.

In Melbourne, Kmart at Northcote Plaza is one option that is sure to evoke the mania of the Trump campaign.

For something a little upmarket, we have the Coogee Bay Hotel, ground zero for the poo ice cream scandal that rocked the nation.

Meanwhile, Rudy Guiliani would be right at home in the smoking area of Canberra’s Hellenic Club.

But nothing says ‘frazzled and chaotic presidential campaign’ like the humid breezes inside Sydney’s Central station, with the perfect musical accompaniment.

Granties Maze on the NSW South Coast is also an excellent blend of dinky and cursed for a time like this.

This one I don’t totally get. Ogalo is good, even if it is just bootleg Oporto.

Of course, a beautiful parallel exists between Trump’s failed campaign and the demise of Sizzler in Australia.

But for downright mysteriousness, you can’t beat Ivan’s Fashions in Canberra.

The same can be said for Dracula’s Cabaret on the Gold Coast, which lowkey looks like one of Trump’s tacky casinos.

And, if I may: my own contribution to the trend. Just imagine Peta Credlin vouching for Tony Abbott outside the massive bead shop on Parramatta Road in Sydney five years ago.

I love you too, bead shop. (Google Maps)
Image: Getty Images / Chris McGrath