CONTENT WARNING: This article contains Demogorgussy.

Hold onto your nearest bible because I am about to tell you about one of the worst things to happen since Voldemort’s confirmation as leader of the Liberal party. A Stranger Things themed fleshlight could be coming out and I’m shaking, crying, convulsing.

While it’s uncertain whether or not Fleshlight is taking the piss, the internet is already in tatters after they announced a… Demogorgon fleshlight on Twitter.

I really don’t have words. I just know that someone out there is hoping that this is real and that enough concerns me.

If this was real Netflix would sue them into the ground, so for now I’m saying it is very much a joke (please GOD).

I have been informed by my Godless research into the topic that while the Demogorgussy fleshlight’s existence is up in the air, a Demogorgon peen definitely exists.

It was made by Bad Dragon (of course), who specialise in all kinds of “fantasy” themed sex toys. If you want to know more, Google is your friend.

There really isn’t much else to say about the Demogorgussy, apart from the fact that it is permanently ingrained in my mind.

Let’s just look at some lovely internet reaction memes, shall we?

If by some wild chance this was a Netflix approved product for a show about kids dealing with fucked up otherwordly creatures, I’d be shocked.

But hey, this is the company that put portals to the upside-down everywhere and called them “gaping wounds”. They looked like vaginas with tentacles and you cannot convince me otherwise.

All in the name of Stranger Things promo, I guess.

Well, I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all collectively had enough internet for the day.

Time to take both my eyeballs out and soak them in some cold water. I do not need them anymore. I’m fine, thanks.