American comedian Vinny Thomas has produced a skit showing how Earth’s application interview for the Galactic Federation would go, and in the process he may have just figured out the reasons why aliens still won’t bloody talk to us.
In case you missed it, the Galactic Federation is something that very much exists, according to the former head of Israel’s space program Haim Eshed.
In a recent interview, he claimed aliens exist and that they even signed an agreement with the US to do experiments on Earth.
According to Eshed, Donald Trump was apparently about to publicly disclose this, but was stopped by the Galactic Federation which wanted to prevent mass hysteria until we mere humans “evolve and reach a stage where we will… understand what space and spaceships are.” Okay then.
Anyway, here’s how Thomas reckons Earth’s interview to join the Galactic Federation might have gone. Spoiler: it’s pretty embarrassing for us Earthlings.
The Galactic Federation interviews Earth for membership pic.twitter.com/okgC7L0IuH
— Vinny Thomas (With Eggnog!) (@vinn_ayy) December 8, 2020
The video’s gone viral on Twitter and has already clocked a cool three million views. It also makes some very good points.
“Is there enough food to go around? It looks like some people are starving,” the Galactic Federation interviewer asks.
“You do have enough food? They why isn’t it… ?
“Logistics? You want me to write… logistics? Okay: ‘Staving because of logistics’.”
The interviewer later jokes and says, “imagine if you were fighting over resources.”
That one hit way too close to home. It’s hard to find a spot on the map that hasn’t been ravaged by oil wars, lithium coups, rare earth mineral conflicts, fishery disputes and even people killing other people in order to cut down trees.
Oh… and there’s that little issue of the coronavirus pandemic. Yeah, that’s not gonna look great on our intergalactic report card, hey.
Just like in IRL job interviews, Earth got pummeled with a couple of curveball questions.
“I understand you have a very charismatic little biped called the dodo bird,” the interview continues.
“I would love to meet one. Could you bring me a dodo, could you show me a dodo?”
And then there’s the fact aliens might even be disgusted by the fact we all piss and shit. Fair enough, because I am too.
We, as a planet, really bombed the interview. Just listen to the final question.
“Why did you turn the wolf into the pug?”