The news that billionaires Bill and Melinda Gates are getting divorced sent the internet’s crack meme squad into overdrive.
A lot of content was churned out in the hours following the announcement. We curated some of the best tweets and memes on the day, but now it’s time to have a look at some of the least funny, most shithouse takes to emerge in the free-for-all to be the internet’s new snarky wise guy.
Welcome to hell. Please sit back and relax as we bring you the most groan-inducing cold takes about Bill and Melinda Gates’ divorce.
First up, the epitome of humour. Trump! Am I right, folks? #covfefe
When Melania heard that Bill Gates was getting divorced, it was the first time she’d spoken in months, telling her maid, “Bring me my highest heels, my tightest dress, my smiling head, my new arms and my pocket calculator.” Said the maid, “Oh, Ms. Melania! You’re back!”
— Paul Rudnick (@PaulRudnickNY) May 3, 2021
Next up, we have a reference to May 4, or something?
Not really sure I get the joke here, but I appreciate the sheer athleticism to reach so far between two unrelated references.
ugh the one huge upside of announcing your divorce this month is you can use May Divorce Be With You as the headline of your announcement and they didn’t even do that!
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) May 3, 2021
(For the record, we didn’t take this advice and our headline turned out just fine, thanks.)
Meanwhile, #girlboss energy has blinded people to the fact the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation’s philanthropy (and more so for other billionaires) is a bit of a sham.
After all, these are the same people who fought to patent-protect COVID-19 vaccines instead of letting them be manufactured all over the world at a lower cost.
Imagining Melinda Gates and Mackenzie Bezos joining forces and fortunes to philanthropize the planet.
— Tim O’Brien (@TimOBrien) May 3, 2021
Growing up in the Pacific Northwest, Bill and Melinda were kind of King and Queen. And this crazy romantic love story. Today’s news shook me more than I thought. What is going on with Seattle moguls?
— Josh Elman (@joshelman) May 4, 2021
Others just tweeted the visual equivalent of white noise:
That’s… that’s now how any of this works.
Then came the Microsoft puns. Bill Gates has a small peen! Ha Ha!
Melinda leaving Bill gates after 27 years because Bill named his company after his genitals… “Microsoft”🤔 pic.twitter.com/MbiMdMLZEv
— COMIC DOCTOR 🇿🇼👩⚕️ (@tavonga_chinez) May 4, 2021
As well as lame jokes about Melinda’s appearance… with extremely tired comparisons.
…comparisons which were even transphobic at times. Caitlyn Jenner sucks, but I really don’t see the link here?
I think I know why Bill wants a divorce. 🤣 pic.twitter.com/7FiSAz0UKx
— Cisco, El Chicano Basado (@Fly_Frankie_J) May 4, 2021
At least some people were able to preempt the cringe:
“Seeing Bill and Melinda Gates not Excel at their relationship has me like “Word?” I wish our Windows weren’t closed but you made it a PowerPoint to stay away. Here’s hoping your future has a better Outlook.” pic.twitter.com/jFaVxrhL53
— No. 1 Celtics Hater (@JomiAdeniran) May 3, 2021
Now let’s never mention this dumpster fire ever again.
It’s time for us all to log off.