When Andrew Bolt announced he was moving from Melbourne to “the bush” in an angsty, pseudo-poetic Herald Sun column, Melburnians were overjoyed. That was until everyone realised that by “the bush”, Bolt meant the fucking Mornington Peninsula.
Mornington, which is very much a suburb of Melbourne, is anything but “the bush”.
Could he be hyping up is own lame sea-change for political ends? Perhaps he really does live inside a bubble so impenetrable that even the Morning Peninsula is a foreign and far-flung locale to him. Regardless, the man is very confused, indeed.
Now that we’ve all had a day to take in the complete and utter clownery this man emanates with every word he writes, Aussies have gotten down to the business of savaging Bolt and his poorly-articulated life choices on Twitter. As is tradition.
Andrew Bolt leaving ‘Melbourne’ and going to the Mornington Peninsula feels like when your kid tells you they’re running away forever and you find them in the garden behind a tree with a packet of chips and a backpack.
— David Lo Pun-ch Nazis (@helpmeskeletor) December 2, 2020
Lol Andrew Bolt describing Mornington Peninsula as the bush is just the funniest 🤣🤣🤣
— Alex Bhathal (@alexbhathal) December 2, 2020
Of course, after complaining about Melbourne’s lockdown for months (and even calling it “accept home imprisonment” in the same column he announced his move), it’s interesting that Bolt’s framing his move to another part of Melbourne as an escape from ‘Dictator Dan’ or whatever.
Like, mate, you’ve would’ve endured the exact same lockdown regardless of whether you had fucked off to Mornington or were living it up in the thick of Fitzroy (not that you ever would, one would assume).
On top of that, the Mornington Peninsula is a fair bit more posh than calling it “the bush” would imply.
— Anna Langford (@AnnaSLangford) December 3, 2020
I absolutely LOVE that for Andrew Bolt “going bush” means the Mornington Peninsula, which is riddled with private schools, wineries, and is one hour from the CBD.
I am delighted.
— Johnny Two-Saabs (@RossFloate) December 2, 2020
Just found out Andrew Bolt is fleeing the slum that is Melbourne for ‘the bush’ to… (wait for it)… the Mornington Peninsula!
That’s ‘the bush’ like The Ritz is backpacker accommodation. 😂 pic.twitter.com/czHlxkIv86
— Harry Chemay (@HarryChemay) December 2, 2020
Then, of course, is the matter of what will happen to the Monrington Peninsula once he arrives.
Thoughts and prayers for the residents of Mornington Peninsula.
— Dr Vyom Sharma (@drvyom) December 3, 2020
andrew bolt is moving away from the deadness of secular metropolitan life to the harsh and violent frontier of the mornington peninsula, where men are made gods
— james hennessy (@jrhennessy) December 3, 2020
Residents of Mornington peninsula devastated to learn of controversial racist moving in
— Ben Eltham (@beneltham) December 3, 2020
I’m sick of Melbourne, I’m leaving for the bush.
Actually I’m popping down to the Mornington Peninsula for the afternoon to visit my Mum, it’s not far, and it’s in no way the bush.
— Kent Parkstreet, Laird of Doofus (@kentparktweet) December 2, 2020
But ultimately, this whole schemozzle says more about Bolt himself than it does about anyone else.
Good luck with the move, Andrew Bolt. Just don’t go fooling anyone that you’re heading out to the sticks.
The Mornington Peninsula isn’t the bush. You can leave your pith helmet and tan safari suit behind.
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