Americans are coming together online to share their bewilderment at one of Australia’s most pivotal and influential historical events. A pinnacle of Aussie culture. A much-revered, albeit fucking wild part of our past. Yes, I’m talking about the Great Emu War of 1932, which our friends across the pond have only just found out about.
Thanks to American writer and poet Saeed Jones, a bunch of Americans online are learning about our most bizarre historical event, the Great Emu War. Meep meep, I say. (Or whatever noise a fkn emu makes, I dunno, honk honk?)
This whole emu debacle began when an Aussie recommended that Jones purchased an Akubra to shield himself from the sun of Fire Island, gay capital of the world, where he is currently chilling out.
As with all chaotic dramas that unfurl in our world, you see, homosexuals have to play a part somewhere in the mix.
*travels to Australia, buys a lovely fishing hat, and then immediately leaves because I don’t trust y’all’s vibes generally* https://t.co/8uJfvnAhlG
— Saeed, Or The Other One (@theferocity) August 10, 2021
This started Jones off an a tangent about Australia’s “dangerous animals, vindictive bugs, spiteful plants, sunburned racists and cool indigenous people”, and to be honest, he’s rather spot on there.
However, he also started to talk about the fact that we lost a war with a bunch of emus, much to the surprised amusement of his American followers.
I’ve done the research: Australia ain’t nothing but dangerous animals, vindictive bugs, spiteful plants, sunburned racists and cool indigenous people striving to mind their own business. An island nation run by people who once declared war on emus and LOST is not to be trusted.
— Saeed, Or The Other One (@theferocity) August 10, 2021
Jones’ mini-rant is nothing short of iconic, and has me thinking, yet again, about just how fucking dumb this entire part of our history is.
“Who goes to war with fucking birds????? AND LOSES???? I get mad every time I think about it,” he wrote.
There are white people, and then there are Australians. A wholly different genre of cracker. Who goes to war with fucking birds????? AND LOSES???? I get mad every time I think about it. https://t.co/Vz8mZ4hOf3
— Saeed, Or The Other One (@theferocity) August 10, 2021
Just like Jones, this is a moment in history that weighs HEAVY on my heart.
We don’t talk about the fact that a bunch of Aussies LOST against some flightless birds enough. And we had the guns. A mess and a half.
INDEED, WE ARE, FRIEND. The events of November 1932, once again, are weighing heavy on my heart. https://t.co/3CvVCUApxb
— Saeed, Or The Other One (@theferocity) August 10, 2021
Naturally, Jones set off an a huge tangent explaining every minute detail of the war to his followers, who witnessed in utter confusion. I’m sure they were all quite bemused by the whole ordeal.
“Emus out-maneuvered a whole damn army for WEEKS, y’all. WEEKS. They were better organized and had a superior strategy,” he wrote.
Emus out-maneuvered a whole damn army for WEEKS, y’all. WEEKS. They were better organized and had a superior strategy. That Emu War was in 1932 and today there are like 700,000 emus estimated to be vibing in Australia. I wouldn’t trust the nation of Australia to tie my shoes. pic.twitter.com/D4OzauBQcC
— Saeed, Or The Other One (@theferocity) August 10, 2021
I’m just waiting for Jones’ poetry book based on the Great Emu War, honestly.
It’s just a truly incredible turn of events. I could talk about the Emu War of 1932 all day and, as I’m on vacation and surrounded by white gays who at best are dizzy and at worst deranged, that’s exactly what I might do. https://t.co/qsr5Duq1qV
— Saeed, Or The Other One (@theferocity) August 10, 2021
Jones’ followers then started to respond with their favourite article excerpts of readings that they had started to do on the war, including one that mentions the Emus utilising guerrilla tactics on the humans to split their numbers up into “innumerable small units”. Wild shit.
I’m telling ya: those birds are the best to ever do it. When the race war starts, trust and believe I will be leading the black emu division. Bring the action. https://t.co/R3MBy8vKFj
— Saeed, Or The Other One (@theferocity) August 10, 2021
This knowledge, however, would be a burden upon anyone, much less an American who cannot stand Aussies.
I’ve gotta go take a swim. Got myself all worked about emus and it ain’t even 8:30am.
— Saeed, Or The Other One (@theferocity) August 10, 2021
At least some white gays on Fire Island will now be made a lot more aware about this wild part of Aussie history.
Let me go wake up some white gays and educate them about the Great Emu War of 1932. The twinks need to know their history.
— Saeed, Or The Other One (@theferocity) August 10, 2021
To conclude his rant, Saeed Jones made sure to also drag the Aussie episode of The Crown, which showcased the fact that we deadass took Princess Diana out for a hike.
I have been ranting about Australia for three whole hours and I’m just getting started because now I’m thinking about the Australia episode of “The Crown.” Y’all had Princess Diana hiking a damn mountain in the middle of the afternoon! Sociopaths.
— Saeed, Or The Other One (@theferocity) August 10, 2021
Many points were made here, but it was also hilarious to see someone who isn’t Aussie absolutely lose their shit about a pretty absurd part of history.
Watch out for emus out there folks. Stay safe.