This is a horrible thing to admit but, on occasion, bullying is very, very funny. Before you start: I know. This is a horrible thing to say. Morally reprehensible even, and yes, I agree. But I think if you search your soul, deep down you will find that you agree: it doesn’t matter under what circumstances these lovely people came together to make it happen, the Christmas tree they made fucking sucks.
Pictured: Not a good Christmas tree. A tree that sucks ass. (Photo: The News)
British business owner Derek Powell has expressed disbelief that photos of his hideous Christmas tree were circulated online and torn to pieces by keyboard warriors, even though he must surely acknowledge that it looks like if a giant slammed a Christmas tree upside down into the ground and tried to decorate it as an apology.
According to Powell, the tree, which is a deeply depressing visual tableau, was put together by a wonderful, heartwarming group of volunteers:
The initial reaction was wonderful, we had a lot of people come in their own time under extreme weather conditions. We did the very best we could. We had lots of little children, lots of elderly people and help from the locals which was wonderful to see.
While I love a wonderful sense of community as much as anyone, it is an undeniable fact that the fruits of their generosity and kindliness are some wack-ass fruits that look horrible and suck a whole bunch.
Sure, maybe it would be reasonable to feel bad about roasting the tree when you realise that, in addition to being done entirely by volunteers, all the decorations were donated by friendly locals, but I urge you to look at the tree again. It’s not a good tree. That tree would frighten children.
Maybe it’s “mean” to make fun of it when the thing that makes the tree bad (the tree itself, shaped by nature, not the loving hands of volunteers) was donated as well, but I mean, come on, the tree looks like a mistake made by God that he should have tried to hide.
In response to the backlash, locals have begun donating additional decorations, which is, again, an absolutely lovely act of charity, generosity, and togetherness, but simultaneously seems like polishing a turd.
In the end, least they are polishing that turd together. Merry Christmas, everyone.
