For a story that’s predominantly about tits, it’s somewhat ironic that Piers Morgan is involved given his status as a giant boob.

Emma Watson‘s decision to pose (kind of) topless in a recent Vanity Fair shoot has drawn the usual spate of criticism from bleating loons desperate to tear her down in some way for the apparent crime of making her own choices which apparently are not in line with “feminism.” Because feminism, you see, means you must do it this one specific way, otherwise you’re doing it wrong and are an enemy of progress.

Watson, in response, levelled this absolute pearler of a quote at those who felt the need to attempt to remove her own agency and portray her as a dumb child incapable of making her own choices.

“Feminism is about giving women choice. Feminism is not a stick with which to beat other women with. It’s about freedom, it’s about liberation, it’s about equality. I really don’t know what my tits have to do with it.”

Paint that shit 50 feet high across every billboard in the known galaxy, I insist.

Nevertheless, inexplicably paid TV pundit/man in possession of a head akin to a condom full of walnuts Piers Morgan – writing in arguably the only publication that’ll print his bloviated dribbled: the Daily Mail – has decided to put his gender issues hat on and hammer into Watson for being, as he puts it, a “hypocrite.” It’s a diatribe so focused on the chest of a 26-year-old woman that it reads like he wrote it with one hand.

Morgan’s entire argument is centred around a 2014 conversation between Watson and Tavi Gevinson for Wonderland Magazine which discussed Beyoncé‘s then-recently released self-titled album, and the subsequent visual components that accompanied it.

The quote from the interview that Morgan, along with a slew of other Watson critics, singled out reads like this:

“I felt her message felt very conflicted in the sense that on the one hand she is putting herself in a category of a feminist, you know this very strong woman and she has that beautiful speech in one of her songs but then the camera, it felt very male, such a male voyeuristic experience of her.”

Contradictory? Maybe a little. But it’s more an observation on artistic presentation rather than a critique or comparison of feminism. And given that it was from over three years ago – and with Watson being in her formative years – plenty of time has passed for her to grow and evolve her worldview and understanding of what feminism is and can be.

Morgan doesn’t think so, however. To Piers, that historic, cherry-picked quote is a clear sign the actress is a vile hypocrite on the subject and nothing more. Morgan’s rant, which ambles mystifyingly over the course of its duration and shifts focus more often than a dog in a room full of balloons, goes in on Watson thusly:

“The self-styled global standard-bearer for feminism had decided that Beyoncé’s brand of feminism was not the right brand of feminism.
Because, to deploy the parlance of Donald Trump’s notorious locker room, Emma felt it was incompatible for Beyoncé to claim to be a feminist when she was effectively getting her tits out for the lads.”

“It was no accident that [Watson] chose to take off her clothes and parade topless under a skimpy white crocheted bolero jacket. She knew exactly what she was doing.
After all, she’s a woman who’s been posing for magazine cover shoots since she was 14 years old.
So when Emma removed her bra for the first time like this, she was doing it very deliberately.
‘It felt incredibly artistic,’ she said this week, ‘and I’m thrilled with how interesting and beautiful the photographs were.’
Of course she was, that’s what all actresses say when they strip naked to promote themselves and their movies.”


Going further, Morgan asserts that he “doesn’t want to be too harsh” on Watson with one hand, while on the other lambasting her as a “feminist fraud” and her words as “flaming hypocrisy.” And from there his arguments against Watson fall off a cliff, instead shifting focus to Madonna, Kim Kardashian, and a Welsh University making a push to adopt gender-neutral terminology in coursework.

Now, of course, this hot-winded criticism of Watson wouldn’t be complete without a little selective remembering, and Morgan – bless his ashen heart – has fallen head-first into that trap.

The Watson quote from the 2014 interview is correct, but it’s also followed up practically immediately by this one – again on the subject of Beyoncé’s self-titled album:

“I can be a feminist, I can be an intellectual, I can be all these other things but I can also be okay with my femininity and being pretty and with all these things that I thought, you know, would negate my message or negate what I am about. That really is the most interesting thing about the album. It is so inclusive and puts feminism and female empowerment on such a broad spectrum.”

If that, as Morgan feebly attempted to rocket, is “a woman using feminism as a stick with which to beat other women,” then shit-a-brick you shudder to think what on earth his picture of feminist normalcy looks like.

Unsurprisingly Piers has been active on Twitter all day, blowing hot gaseous plumes at anyone with the apparent temerity to dare criticise this puddle-deep take.

One: at no point did Emma Watson mention Beyoncé’s chest. Two: I’m sure Beyoncé is thrilled to have you in her corner here. Three: If you’re going to have a wank at least have the common decency to do it in private.

Emma Watson’s comments from three years ago are less a direct shot at Beyoncé’s feminist stance as they are more an academic critique of the active gaze in an artwork.

Piers Morgan’s from overnight are that of a leering old perv fixated on an issue so far removed from his own world experience it beggars belief how it even wound up in front of his face to begin with.

Whether he’s doing it merely for the attention/to feed the sentient ego that’s apparently in the driver’s seat of his brain remains to be seen. But on the subject of gender equality, his is a voice the cause could definitely do without.

Source: The Daily Mail.

Photo: Barcroft Media/Getty.