The sausage sizzle is one of Australia‘s proudest food traditions – despite our easy access to cheap, high quality produce, meat and seafood, our most iconic foods (the sausage sizzle and the meat pie) are cheap, nasty, dirty and often made of questionably organic, somewhat meatish compounds we don’t actually have words for.
The joy of the sausage sizzle is its economy (if you’re paying with anything more than 2 gold coins, you’ve fucked up), its simple yet satisfying bouquet of flavours (fat, salt, bread) and its reliability i(f you order one of these white-bread-and-wang-shaped-meat sandwiches you know you’re going to get the same thing pretty much every time).
The harsh truth of the world is that few things are good, and sausage sizzles are one of those few good things, so why fuck with that? Because people are monsters.
Maille (the company that makes the mustard you bought like once for one specific sandwich then left in the fridge for months) is doing exactly that, with the absolutely abhorrent $100 sausage sizzle they’ve dubbed the “haute dog”.
It’s a brioche bun (I think that means bread), an Angus beef sausage and, for some fucking reason, a $100 black truffle mustard. If a single customer has actually bought this I am going to find them, slap them and rob them.
The travelling mustard truck, which is in itself the stupidest concept, also sells a $25 version and a $10 version – for the price of even the cheapest one you could buy 5 normal sausage sizzles from a Bunnings carpark.
This isn’t your normal hipster cuisine nonsense, this is bloody un-Australian and also made exclusively for a strange demographic of people that I don’t believe exists.
Outrageous. Although admittedly ‘haute dog’ is a great pun. Fuck.