It’s been 15 years, six months, 17 days and roughly three hours since that horrific day when I found out that I was destined to stay a muggle forever. No letter, no large man coming to tell me, “Yer a wizard, Louie” – nothing. My 11th birthday was a certified tragedy.
While I’ve slowly grown to accept my lack of magical ability, I’ll never stop trying. Surely a 26-year-old can still get accepted into Hogwarts, no? I’m not even kidding, I’d let a Dementor suck the soul right outta me in exchange for one day in the wizarding world.
But alas (earwax), the fact of the matter is that it may never happen. Instead, I’m going to have to take solace in the fact that right here in the muggle world, Woolies have stocked up on a tonne of Harry Potter merch. I mean, they’re selling wands Ollivander-style – you can deadset pick up a wand along with your frozen bag of chicky nugs.
Take a look at some of Woolies’ range below and get your knuts and sickles (and to an extent galleons if you’re an absolute baller) out in preparation.
Before anyone panics, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw accessories are also available, so you don’t have to flush your morals down the toilet and join the Slytherin house just so you can grab a scarf.
All of the Harry Potter merch (and trust me, there’s a bucketload more where that came from) ranges from $2 to $50 bucks. Get around it.
