Woolies Pulls Needles From Sale In Knee-Jerk Reaction To Strawberry Saga

In a beyond-wild knee-jerk reaction to the on-going strawberry contamination saga, Woolies has abruptly pulled all sewing needles from its shelves.

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In a statement issued to media, Woolies confirmed all needles have been temporarily pulled from shelves across all their Australian stores as the needle contamination saga continues.

We’ve taken the precautionary step of temporarily removing sewing needles from sale in our stores. The safety of our customers is our top priority.

This move is being made in reaction to customers finding needles inside strawberries, with more than 20 cases of people finding metal objects in fruit confirmed in New South Wales alone.

The fallout from the saga has hit the Queensland strawberry farming industry extremely hard, with scores of workers laid off and thousands of tonnes of the fruit forced to be dumped as major retailers removed the products from their shelves.

The Federal Government is hastily drawing up legislation that will see the maximum jail sentence for sabotaging fruit increased from 10 years up to 15 years, in a bill that’s expected to be rushed through Parliament next week.

A young boy was arrested by Police in NSW last night over what they assert could be a prank. Widespread theories of copycat and prank behaviour abound in regards to this intensely bizarre incident, which has seen the Department of Health issue an official warning to Australians to cut up fruit before consuming. The boy will be dealt with under the youth cautioning system.

Coles, meanwhile, confirmed they have no plans to follow in Woolworths’ footsteps and will keep its stock of needles on the shelf.