You can go ahead and thank Toronto-based blogger Anne Thériault for your daily dose of schadenfreude, after she witnessed a horrendous first date going on at the table next to her in a coffee shop and, like any good internet citizen, live-tweeted the whole thing.
Watching a couple on what appears to be a terrible first coffee date at the table next to me. Dude is every precious self-involved writer.
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
“I’m writing a screenplay. It’s about this guy who never really feels like he fits in. Like he’s just different”
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
“People tell me I look like James Franco.”
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
She keeps politely asking him questions. Not once has he asked her about herself.
Wait he just asked if she’d ever dated a writer wtf
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
“Writing is really hard. People don’t know that. It involves a lot of introspection, a lot of wrestling with your own demons.”
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
He’s now complaining about the “body” of the coffee, telling her he knows a place that doesn’t over-roast their beans.
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Girl works for a non-profit. Dude is condescendingly explaining to her why most non-profit models don’t work, he looked into making one once
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Every single thing she mentions he “did that one time, with my buddy” and is now an expert in
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Girl: I actually love cooking
Dude: Oh god you should try my puttanesca sauce, my friend who’s a chef says it’s even better than his
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
“A lot of my friends are having kids but I don’t know,” *self-conscious laugh* “I can barely take care of myself let alone a baby.”
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
OH NO NOW HE’S TALKING ABOUT HOW HIS FEAR OF HAVING CHILDREN STEMS FROM HIS DADDY ISSUES AND I CANNOT
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Girl has a look of mild panic.
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Girl just looked at her phone in feigned surprise. “Oh weird, I have a text from my mom.” I just snorted audibly, turned it into fake cough
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Dude, oblivious: “oh yeah? That’s awesome, I don’t think my mom even knows how to text”
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Girl: “yeah, she’s, uh, worried she left her stove on. she’s in a meeting and can’t go home. I’d better go check for her.”
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Dude: do you want to go and come back?
Girl: It’s pretty far. Maybe we can do this again next week? I’ll text you.
OUT THE DOOR LIKE A SHOT
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
He just opened his laptop and started typing. I hope it’s a sad story about his life.
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
ICYMI, a few months ago, an English woman faked her own death via a series of increasingly hectic texts to try and escape a creepy dude she met online. Dating: it’s fucked.
via Refinery 29
