What The Fuck Is An NFT And Why Are Pictures Of Monkeys On Sale For Outrageous Prices

what is an nft

Come along with me as I, the person who regularly believes that 77 + 33 = 100, tries to explain the current tech craze, NFTs. What are they? Why do they exist? And how can I use them to prove that I am, in fact, better than everyone else?

Well, I can now say that I am able to answer all of these questions, after doing a couple of hours of research. Here’s an idiot’s guide (hi, that’s me) to NFTs. Am I still partly confused? You know, I think everyone is really, but I’m gonna do my best here.

So, what the f̸͙͌́ṳ̷̪̂̄c̷̯̮̓̐k̵̝̎̋ is an NFT?

An NFT is a non-fungible token. Okay, I know what you’re thinking after reading that. Probably something along the lines of “okay, thanks loser, now I’m even more confused.”

Well, most sites will just break down the acronym and don’t even explain what it means, so you’re in luck.

Fungible, apart from being a word that may just be grosser than moist, means that something can be exchanged for its equivalent. Think of money. I can exchange a bunch of US dollars for some Aussie dollarydoos, and it’s a fair trade.

When something is non-fungible, it cannot be traded for something of equivalent worth. The best example of this is trading the Mona Lisa for your cousin’s painting that he did on that one acid trip in the Blue Mountains. One is an extremely unique, one-of-a-kind piece, and the other is just some painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

This GIF right here could be an NFT, come to think of it.

Basically, you can’t trade one NFT for another and have it be worth the same thing. To help you understand this even further, NFTs are usually things like artworks, videos or music, thus the Mona Lisa comparison.

There can be many copies of an image online, but there can only ever be one owner. Now you kind of understand a little bit of the hype.

It still doesn’t explain why shit like this exists.


Alright, give me some more info king!

Oh wow, compliments will get you everywhere, sure thing!

So, NFTs are a part of the Ethereum blockchain. I know, more new words that don’t make much sense.

But fret not, my online friends, for Ethereum is something you may have heard of. It’s the second-largest cryptocurrency next to Bitcoin (which you’ve definitely seen around before).

NFTs are digital assets, but they store more information than your regular Ethereum coin, which makes them different. Your ownership of these assets is recorded, like a ledger, on the blockchain. But what on Earth is a blockchain?

Uhhh, let’s get in someone who isn’t smooth-brained in for this one.

Blockchain? Now you’re making shit up.

David Schatsky, managing director at Deloitte, gave The Enterprisers Project a way to explain blockchain in ‘plain English’, and honestly, it is bible.

“A blockchain is a digital and distributed ledger of transactions or decentralised database that keeps continuously updated digital records in real-time across a network of computers,” he said.

Makes sense to me, therefore it must be the best way of explaining it.

How do celebrities like Grimes make so much money from them?

When the world is over, only three things shall remain: roaches, Cher and the omnipotent digital presence of Grimes that shall never fade from existence.

Grimes, like a lot of other artists, have used the NFTs craze to sell unique pieces of visual art and receive direct profit for them without the use of a middle man.

Altogether, Grimes has made US$6 million (AU$7.7 million) from the selling of NFTs, which is absolutely wild to think about.

Right here is the video called ‘Death of the Old’ that she sold for US$389,000 (AU$498,000). Yes, you can watch it for free right here, but only one person out there actually owns the video now, which was paired with unique audio.

As a Grimes super stan, I actually think it’s kinda cool, and a lot of people are using this new platform to experiment with a whole bunch of art forms, changing the very definition of art and ownership as we speak.

Azealia Banks is another celebrity who has made some hot dosh off the online craze, selling a 24-minute audio sex tape titled ‘I Fucked Ryder Ripps’ for US$17,252 (AU$22,519).

“Can someone please do something outrageous with this NFT shit?” she wrote on Insta at the time.

“Absolutely none of y’all have the balls to actually fuck. Can I see some ass and tiddies in this bitch? Where is the cock and balls?”

But the people of the internet age saw this demand for cock and balls and decided to make a bunch of monkeys instead.

What’s up with the fkn monkeys?

I refuse to go into this any longer than I have to, so I’m going to explain this in an extremely simple way.

Basically, four online developers and likely basement dwellers decided to sell NFT monkeys in a project they launched in April called Bored Ape Yacht Club (BAYC).

These monkeys sold for like $300 AUD a piece and were all bought out in 12 hours, which made their rarity skyrocket over time.

Folks like Jimmy Fallon then bought into the BAYC craze, and the popularity increased even more. Now the folks who own these rare NFT pictures are meeting up on actual yachts and holding concerts. Normal!

The owners of these apes also tweet shit like this, and it’s hard to tell if it’s ironic or not.

I think I get it now… thanks.

No worries! In the world of the internet and technological advancements, it’s hard to keep up sometimes, but just like Bitcoin, I have a feeling that NFTs will soon become a natural part of the cultural lexicon, and we’ll move swiftly along to the next thing!

Well, there’s nothing else to really explain here so… garn git, and have a n̴̲͐̂i̵̳̖͂ċ̶̱e̴̫͂͜ ̷͇̭́d̷̝̈̔a̶̢̫̕y̴̰͊ online. Unless you’re a Bored Ape owner.