Nightclubs in the great state of Western Australia will reopen from midnight tonight, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be getting that d-floor hookup any time soon.
Punters are being warned to maintain a 1.5m distance in the club, which means you should hopefully be able to live a peaceful life without some dickhead named Chad grinding up on you. But unfortunately, it also means that you won’t be breaking your post-iso dry spell with a drunken hookup.
According to WA Health Minister Roger Cook, Western Australians must “do the right thing” to avoid a second wave of the virus (*cough* Melbourne *cough*).
“I can confidently predict that police will not be out there tonight with a 1.5m ruler on the dance floor ensuring that people stay apart,” Mr Cook said, but he did warn that he wanted people to be “sensible,” which sounds exactly like what the teachers said at year 10 formal to avoid students making out.
“But we want people to be sensible. We want people to understand that their future is in their hands in relation to how we deal with this disease.”
But he didn’t just stop there, no. He also offered some schmick dating advice if you’ve already ruined all of your isolationships.
“If you’re meeting with someone that you don’t know, well, you may want to get to know them. You need to treat dating like the easing of restrictions – you take small steps, you sit back, you wait for the response, and then you take another step,” he said, sounding like a *very* supportive dad.
“But let’s not dive – it’s important to protect yourself.”
Honestly, Cook should hang up the boots at WA Health and become a full time relationship coach because you’d better believe I’m taking notes here.
As of 11.59pm on Friday night, WA punters can enjoy the freedom to drink their bevs while standing up, can hit up the casino or a nightclub, and only need to fit within the 2sqm rule.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m catching the first flight to WA and preparing to tear up that dance floor with the sick moves I taught myself in iso.
