Nobody’s perfect, we know this. And while we might think we’re not the type of person to dish out casual or even unconscious sexism, there’s probably been at least one or two instances where we have. While we don’t mean anything malicious by it, there are steps we can take to help those around us recognise when we or they might be saying something not-so-nice.
We all know *that* guy who can’t resist being a sleaze every time he has a few drinks or that dude who always talks over his female colleagues at work. He might not even be a bad person, but maybe he’s never had anyone call him out, so he just keeps doing it.
It’s never comfortable to call a friend out, but it’s so important to stop things at this level before they escalate into something worse.
While making a few jokes or comments might seem like no big deal, these are things that can ultimately enable family violence and violence against women. If we fail to pull up ourselves and others, we’re simply fuelling the culture of sexism and becoming part of the problem.
So, if you’re unsure exactly how to address your mate’s casual sexism, give some of these ideas a spin:
Just Say Something
In these situations, it can feel like the best thing to do is stay quiet or even laugh along. It’s never comfortable to rock the boat. But sexist comments perpetuate the cycle of sexism, demeaning women. By speaking up and saying something, you’re disrupting this cycle by calling attention to unacceptable behaviour. If they realise what they’ve done is wrong, you’re then empowering and educating them.
Relate To Them
You know your mates and their personalities, and while some might be able to handle a stern talking to, others might be quick to shut down if they feel ‘attacked’. So, you’re going to need to individualise your approach and tell them why what they said was wrong in a way they can relate to. This needs to be in a respectful way, showing your friend you value their friendship enough to hear them out.
They’re going to be so much more receptive to what you have to say if they feel like you understand where they’re coming from. This might mean you need to admit to mistakes you’ve made in the past and how you changed.
Ask Them To Explain
People often make sexist comments and try to pass them off as ‘jokes’. They might not mean any harm, but they’re being offensive and not funny. A simple way to get through to the person could be to ask them what they meant by their comment. Remain poised and serious, and they might be forced to realise their comment was offensive and not funny.
Make It Personal
Make your mate empathise with the people they’re making fun of. This can help them understand why what they’re saying is sexist and wrong. For example, if you hear a mate making a sexist joke, explain to them why it’s hurtful to you or a woman, even if there isn’t one present. Your mates don’t want to insult their friends, right?
Turn The Tables On Them
Maybe there’s a guy in the office who calls women ‘sweetheart’ or ‘babe’, point out the fact they’re treating women differently and ask them if they speak to their male colleagues the same way. You could also try to appeal to their values and tell them, ‘You’re better than this,’ or, ‘I know you don’t mean to do this, but…”
Chat With Them In Private
There are gonna be a lot of dudes who won’t like being called out in public, and it might even make things worse. In this case, taking them aside privately and explaining why what they said was wrong and how it affects people around them is probably your best bet. Explain that it’s OK to make mistakes, but you need to learn from them.
Speaking disrespectfully does not necessarily mean someone is abusive, but people who are abusive often speak disrespectfully. We all have a role to play in preventing violence and violence against women.
The best way to start creating equality is by calling out sexism when we see it or hear it and to start examining our own behaviour. This will create a safer environment where everyone can feel respected and equal.
Respect women and call out jokes that put them down. Find out more at Respect Victoria.
