Hello friends. First of all, here is the brand new first trailer for the upcoming film ‘Transformers: The Last Knight,’ which is inexplicably the fifth film in the live-action Michael Bay Transformers film series.
It looks like an absolute mess.
“Trailer for a Transformers film looks bad” is not exactly gonna stop any presses. In terms of breaking news, it’s like watching the Pope for signs of Catholicism.
But god damn, would you look at those first few shots? Do any of those rings any bells for you?
Dragon bird. Cliffs of probably Northern Island. Grit and mud and animal-skinned blokes launching fire arrows? Did George R.R. Martin get involved with this without us knowing? Is that why ‘The Winds of Winter‘ is taking this long to come out? The differences here aren’t exactly Stark.
Moving on. Up next, we’re flash-forwarding to bash some Nazis.
Ignoring the fact that they draped Winston Churchill‘s house in fuck-off huge swastikas to get the shot (christ), big sparky explosions against a stylised Nazi Germany ain’t exactly a Marvel of an original idea. Captain America must’ve snuck into the Iron Man suit for this one.
Oh good, a blow’d up football stadium. I’m glad to see Gotham City is on top of the rebuild after Bane went boonta all through it.
The film’s even called ‘The Last Knight‘ for the love of all that is Nolan.
Mystical porthole through which giant alien robot invaders enter earth’s realm. Bloody hell, ‘Avengers 1‘/’Pacific Rim‘ take yer pick.
There is not a goddamned chance in hell that this is the result of anything other than the costume note “kinda Hunger Games but also somehow Rey from Star Wars” and a costume designer phoning it the fuck in. It’s like the film production version of a Kai’s Power Goo picture.
And speaking of ‘Star Wars‘…
Come on. That’s just taking the piss.
Of course movie quality is in the eye of the beholder and you’re all absolutely entitled to form your own opinion on this. But it is in this writer’s esteemed personal opinion that it is a garbage film made by bad people who have clearly used witchcraft in order to get people like Mark Wahlberg, John Turturro, Stanley Tucci, John Goodman, and Sir Anthony Hopkins into the cast.
Yes, the Sir Anthony Hopkins.
Academy Award-winning actor Sir Anthony Hopkins.
Hannibal By-God Lecter Anthony Hopkins is in ‘Transformers 5.’
Look! Here he is in the trailer, hanging out in what appears to be Hogwarts.
No thank you.
Or, to put this whole spiel in an entirely different way:
The film comes out in June next year. Send help.
Source: YouTube.
