Panda cubs are objectively the cutest thing in the world, no question. They are playful and adorable and soft and clumsy and they have tiny little snoots and they love to snuffle and they fill the world around them with nothing but joy.
A good rule for cuteness is that the smaller something is, the cuter it is, so you would logically think that a newborn panda, being an even smaller panda cub, would be devastatingly cute – well guess what: Nope. Nope nope nope.
Shu Qin, a giant panda who lives at the China Giant Panda Research Center in Ya’an, gave birth on Sunday and, because we live in the future, there is a video of it.
Instead of the tiny ball of cuddles you would expect, the baby looks straight up like an emaciated naked molerat and is screaming its tiny little panda lungs out. This is basically a more authentic version of the chestburster scene from ‘Alien‘.
For some reason it’s kind of hard to believe that the mum panda isn’t a person in a suit, although that might just be me.
Watch it right here (content warning: panda vagina):