In case you missed the Leaders’ Debate – or in case you watched it but didn’t take in a single word – it was really, really, incredibly dull. Mind-numbing, in fact. Trying to decide a winner between Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten was less about winning, and more about who sucked the least.
Sky News surprised nobody and declared Turnbull the winner, The Guardian said the answers were too scripted to declare either one victorious, and The Australian declared Shorten the winner “by a nose”, but said that the debate was “so dull it won’t sway any votes” anyway.
Slightly more scientific is this Twitter poll from Peter FitzSimons, which points to Shorten ending up
the lesser of two snoozes kinda, sorta on top.
#leadersdebate WHo won? RT for Shorten. Favourite for PM
— OzRepublic FitzSimon (@Peter_Fitz) May 29, 2016
In fact, the only times the debate got even a *LITTLE BIT* interesting was when old mate Bill let fly one of his famous zingers.
Shorten’s Top 3 Zingers Of The Leaders’ Debate:
1. “There’s a big difference between me and Mr Turnbull. I genuinely lead my party, whereas your party genuinely leads you.”
— Australian Labor (@AustralianLabor) May 29, 2016
2. On banks: “Mr Turnbull wants to give them tax cuts, I want to give them a Royal Commission.”
3. “Same old Liberals, give tax cuts to big banks and let families make do.”
Oh, how we laughed.
This isn’t to say Shorten walked circles around Turnbull by any means – as The Australian‘s national affairs editor Sid Maher put it beautifully: “If the debate was a pay-per-view boxing match, you’d ask for your money back.” (Now there’s a bloody zinger.) Neither party leader could provide a satisfactory answer to why the Australian public should trust them after they both rolled sitting Prime Ministers (Shorten twice), and both agreed that for the safety of asylum seekers, they must never be allowed into Australia.
Mostly, though, Twitter just spent its time making jokes about how boring the whole thing was:
We have compulsory voting but do we have to have compulsory #leadersdebate viewing? Thank God no. MasterChef viewers, you missed nothing.
— David Crowe (@CroweDM) May 29, 2016
#leadersdebate : There’s never been a better time to have a microsleep.
— Marc Fennell (@marcfennell) May 29, 2016
— Kate McClymont (@Kate_McClymont) May 29, 2016
— Greg Jericho (@GrogsGamut) May 29, 2016
— Caleb Bond (@TheCalebBond) May 29, 2016
— Lachlan Harris (@LachlanFHarris) May 29, 2016
— ABC News Intern (@ABCnewsIntern) May 29, 2016
Time well spent. Well, time spent, anyway.