Someone’s Flogging One Of Those Virgin Lounge Pancake Machines If Yr Bougie Ass Desires Treats

It’s all well and good to gaze and scoff at the plight of Virgin Australia following this week’s announcement that the airline has been placed into voluntary administration, it’s easy to skip over some of the more vital questions that’ll arise in the event of the airline’s potential collapse. Namely: What the hell is gonna happen to those hectic pancake machines in the Virgin Lounge?

Those of you fortunate enough to have graced Virgin’s swish holding pen for footy players and FIFO workers would know that the only thing that makes the fact that the bar doesn’t open until midday (what the fuck) is the presence of the trusty pancake machines.

Chrome beauties, shimmering in the morning light, the pancake machines offer the kind of 5-star luxury that only the grubbiest of 6-year-olds could ever dream up. You push the button, you get a pancake. Push button, get pancake. Button, pancake. It whips ass. It’s so simple. There’s something in it for everyone, from the time-poor business person looking to glue their colon shut so they can get through 10 consecutive hours of unskippable sales meetings, to the bleary-eyed dirtbag perilously straddling the line between still hammered and savagely hungover looking to rebalance their brains by watching something drop at regular intervals.

If that’s a part of your life you simply can’t face living without, then the ever-reliable Gumtree has salvation at hand.

A quote-unquote “Pan cake machine Automatic,” by all face value accounts identical to the ones the Lounge uses, is currently up for grabs.

Per the product’s official website, the Popcake automated pancake machine weighs just under 23kgs and is capable of producing a 2-high stack of cooked pancakes in under 60 seconds. User software on-board allows you to choose what size pancake you want (15cm, 10cm, or 5cm) as well as the colour and the stack size quantity.

According to the Gumtree listing, this particular unit “easy to use,” “still in box,” and has “only used one box of mix.”

The listing claims to have originally paid $3,500 for the machine, and is now listing it at a cool $2,500, which is a big saving in anyone’s book. But if you don’t happen to have a stack of cash lying around to drop on auto-pancakes, you’re still in luck. The seller reportedly will accept a swap or trade in the form of “car,” “caravan,” or “camper trailer.”

Small price to pay for getting the full Virgin Lounge experience in the comfort of your own home.

Failing that, you can simply place 8 empty Pacifico bottles on a round white table two feet to your left. It’s more or less the same effect.

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