Vile, Bloodthirsty Montague St Bridge To Be Vanquished By New Warning Signs

By

Cam Tyeson

Published

102 is a fair innings in anyone’s language, but there comes a time when even the best-of-the-best have to retire.

And thus the bloody-thirst, vengeful, borderline-psychopathic reign of terror waged by Melbourne’s infamous Montague Street Bridge looks finally set to come to an end this weekend.
The bridge, which has claimed more high vehicles than a ute muster in Nimbin, is finally in line to receive a long-awaited safety upgrade, with electronic height warning signs to be installed on the road either side of the bridge.
VicRoads confirmed that work will begin at 7am on Saturday morning, with the signs to alert drivers of vehicles that are too tall to fit under the bridge of their imminent fuck-up.
The upgrades have apparently been on the cards for some six months now, and were originally scheduled to be completed in late March, but they were delayed time and time again. Recent events (y’know, people slamming their shit into it) prompted the works to be prioritised, and as a result the installations will begin immediately.
The upgrades will reportedly also include a further fix with large gantries to be installed on the approach to the bridge featuring hanging rubber paddles that will whack into the top of any vehicle at risk of being can-openered.
The bridge itself has already made its feelings on the matter abundantly clear.

Realistically though we feel like the warnings need to be as blunt as humanly possible.

100% this is not going to stop it from happening again and when it happens for the first time after all this has gone up it’s gonna be hilarious.

Source: Herald Sun.

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