People of Victoria, you might not want to jump while standing outside tomorrow. According to the Bureau of Meteorology (BOM), some wild fucking winds are headed your way, and I do not want to see anyone flying through the CBD.

Yep, sorry to dampen your Sunday plans, but tomorrow there’s gonna be winds of around 100km/h blowing through the southwestern regions of Victoria, and heading into the city of Melbourne towards the afternoon.

According to BOM, the winds also cause concern for a considerable bushfire threat, due to the winds being dry and forceful, and temperatures being on the rise. So yeah, winds and fires. Maybe just stay inside.

“These are the kind of winds that can blow away outdoor furniture or cause weaker tree limbs and things to come down,” meteorologist Callum Stuart of the BOM said in an official warning.

“It’ll sort of be a few hours prior to the cold change coming through where the winds are a risk.”

On top of the Victoria wind and fire warnings, there will also be some pretty intense lightning coming through on Sunday, which is another weather factor that can lead to unwanted bushfires starting up.

“Dry lightning is a risk up in those northwestern parts, where the fire danger is elevated tomorrow as well,” said Stuart.

Honestly who the fuck pissed off Zeus?

The good news is that by the late hours of the afternoon, the wild winds are said to settle down, so maybe make sure your outdoor furniture isn’t at risk of yeeting itself into your neighbour’s window, or landing in some strange suburb you’ve never even heard of.

And it’s also a good time to not park under a tree if you can help it. We must protect our vehicular children from the wrath of Mother Nature, and we definitely do not want to see anyone’s roofs dented by a big ole branch boi.

Well folks, I know where I’m going to be on Sunday. Safe here in Sydney, where the only natural disaster that we have to worry about are the people from Bronte Beach who may have created a super-spreader COVID event today. Yeehaw, what a weekend!