Ever wanted to own your own tram? No? You’ve never thought about it before? Well, OK, think about it now. See? Of course you bloody do. While it’s more than likely that you barely have space in your sharehouse bedroom for a bedside table, let alone the enormous amount of space required to house a retired tram, it’s still a delightfully tantalising idea, even if you’re not one of those people who spend their weekends taking photos of anything that travels on tracks and muttering to yourself about the serial numbers of various diesel engines.

Thanks to the Andrews government, this dream that you’ve held for the last 30 seconds could well finally come true (if you can demonstrate appropriate cause). According to Minister for Public Transport Jacinta Allan, the Victorian government has 134 retired trams to give away as part of their ‘retired trams strategy’:

Over the years trams have transported millions of Victorians, connected our communities and are an integral part of our rich heritage.

If they’re not going to be used on the network, we want to keep these trams accessible to the community.

These Victorian icons will now be available to come to life once again and preserved for future generations to enjoy.

The press release says that anyone is welcome to express their interest in acquiring a tram, but that “community groups and educational institutions are particularly encouraged to apply.” Applications will be judged by an independent panel that assesses merit based on how much the tram will remain accessible to the public and how much benefit it will provide to the community, so you might have a hard time getting one for the sole purpose of dropping it in the backyard and ripping bongs in it with your mates.

(Please still try, though.)

In case you have an actual organisation or business that might be able to put one of these bad boys to some good use, applications are open here from May 28th up until July 6th. Hopefully they do delivery because these things’d be a pain in the ass to pick up in your hatchback.

Image: Getty Images / VicTrack