VIC Cops Are Suffering Bulk Crotch Blowouts Due To Cheap, Shitty Pants

Folks, you’ve heard of being caught with your pants down. Now there’s being caught with THEIR pants down. Victoria Police union officials are complaining that cops are suffering an unusually high amount of crotch blowouts due to being supplied with inferior trousers.

Cops have been reporting the low quality garments do not fit well and, more worrying or hilarious depending on where you sit, are prone to splitting at the crotch when performing a standard arrest technique.

The shitty pants are said to be made of low quality material that doesn’t breathe, leading to excessive sweating in the summer. And the cut of them severely hinders range of motion, as Police Association Victoria secretary Wayne Gatt explained:

The material used in manufacturing the pants is particularly unpopular with members, who have advised that the material does not breathe, and that the pants cause excessive sweating particularly in summer.

Gatt explained that the pants have a weird fit to them that greatly inhibits movement, particularly when attempting things like jumping fences and the like.

Our members tell us that the cut of the pants limit their movement when they are required to execute some of the defensive techniques they are trained to perform, and are particularly limiting when they are required to complete routine policing tasks, such as jumping fences.

Even more shocking are the reports that the garments split in twain around the taint-region while apprehending suspects, which you’d think would kinda undermine an officer’s authority when reading an arrested suspect their rights and obligations.

Many have reported that the pants split at the crotch easily, and are particularly prone to do so when executing a common arrest technique.

In response to this clear scandal, Victoria Police has confirmed that all uniforms have been assessed, and the strength of the crotch seams has been improved as a result.

Until then, we have a simple solution to the problem.

See, it’s a high ride, but the shorts won’t prevent you from doing what you need to do.

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