For night time revellers, the glow of the Golden Arches is more or less the iridescent hum of the bug zapper, drawing in all that get caught in its glow. But all of us – with no exceptions – have felt the cruel sting of striding up to the blessed Macca’s window in the dead of night only to spy the dreaded “soft serve machine out of order” sign, or even worse, that the clock has ticked over and the cheeseburgers are no longer available.
An extremely drunk Sydney man who, it should be stressed should not have been behind the wheel of a car, found this out the hard way in the wee hours of last Friday night/Saturday morning.
The 30-year-old Epping man rocked up to the Thornleigh McDonald’s at around 4:50am, absolutely fanging for some goddamned chicken nuggets.
But much to his chagrin, the breakfast menu was in full effect which – as we all know – is devastatingly bereft of precious nuggies.
After having a little yell at the staff, the man then re-assessed his options, and decided the best course of action was to do four laps through the drive thru ordering a metric fuck-tonne of breakfast food, including an entirely adequate order of 200 hashbrowns on his second pass through.
200 precious crispy potato oblongs. The big chippe. Tater toast.
Whether or not an order of the entire breakfast menu was enough to fill the void of disappointment left by not being able to acquire nugs is another story entirely, and one that will likely never be told: Police arrived at the scene shortly thereafter and apprehended the man, who proceeded to blow the ass clean out of the breatho, registering a reading of 0.175.
Point one seven five. Hell’s bells.
Anything above 0.150 is considered a high grade blood-alcohol reading, so it’s fair to say that old mate was as pissed as a fart.
Unsurprisingly, his license was suspended on the spot, and he’s now due to face Hornsby Court on November 30th.