Beloved Triple J alum and main Lewis Hobba tormenter, Veronica Milsom, has detailed what it was like to cook up and turn her placenta into sausage rolls for her new podcast Zero Waste Baby. A heads up for the squeamish, this one’s a lot.
After we heard that Ron slapped her afterbirth on the stovetop all in the name of raising her second bebe Zoe with the smallest waste footprint possible, PEDESTRIAN.TV got her on the blower to go through exactly what it was like – and how it tasted.
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oh heck I made a comedy doco podcast with @podcastoneau and the trailer came out today! (link in bio) It’s called Zero Waste Baby and there’s a prize for anyone who can guess what it’s about. ???? #zerowaste #zerowasteparenting #zerowasteliving #azerowastefamily ???? @tomwholohan
Knowing that she was headed to a dinner party that her good friend and favourite target Lewis was going to be at, she realised it was the perfect moment to go all-in on her zero-waste approach to her new baby. She was going to serve up her placenta as a dinner party dish.
“I could make it into a ‘plasanga’ but I was like ‘ugh, that’s bechamel and my insides, I don’t want those two together’,” she said.
“I heard about other people making it into pizza toppings – and it is a bit gamey like kangaroo, so I thought that could work. But again, cheese. Not into that.
“So I decided I could hide it in pastry, and make it into a pla-sausage roll.”
Armed with a frypan, her microphone, and baby Zoe asleep in the corner of the kitchen, blissfully unaware of what was happening to her former life source, Veronica got to work on making the sausage rolls.
“Cutting up my placenta was as horrible as you can imagine,” Veronica said.
“Every single slice that you made felt it was a part of yourself. Like, I felt like my insides would tense up as it happened.”
Veronica texted me a photo of herself and her partner Nick cooking up the meat (flesh? I don’t even know anymore) and if I had to see this, then so do you.
“It made like, this disgusting sizzling noise,” Veronica said.
“The smell – I can’t even begin to describe. Like, cooking up yourself and having it come back into your nose. It’s disgusting.”
“And again it smelt like kangaroo if you’ve ever eaten that before. Yeah, there’s no recipes online for this, so as you can imagine, I was just riffing and thinking ‘how’s this gonna work?’ But I think we did a good job.”
But the all-important question lies in how the pla-sausage rolls went down at the dinner party, and if Lewis even actually ate some.
“I only did a nibble, because I thought I have to do this, for the sake of the podcast, and because I’ve cooked it up,” she said.
“It was covered in pastry, it was flaky, I thought ‘I should put sauce on this but I can’t even be bothered, I’m just gonna quickly deal with it’ and then I buried it in the backyard.”
“Lewis basically swore from the moment I gave it to him. He couldn’t stop saying like ‘what the fuck happened to you growing up to make you like this?’
“He said at one point that I should try to sell the pla-sausage roll on the black market because there would be some freak that would buy it, and as soon as they buy it, I should report them to the AFP.”
So after a little self-cannibalism and then swiftly burning the evidence down the back of the garden, the only thing that’s left of the cursed placenta sausage roll is the frypan, which thanks to her zero-waste mission, Veronica now cannot yeet immediately into the bin.Image: Veronica Milsom