Vengeful Mother Earth Attempts To Devour Melbourne Woman In 3 Metre Sinkhole

We preface everything you’re about to read with the knowledge that the woman involved was successfully rescued and is unhurt.

Mother Earth provides the calm, fruitful foundation of life. But burning deep within her lies the beating black heart of a vengeful, bloodthirsty tyrant that, on occasion, likes to roar just to remind people who’s boss. Whilst, eventually, we all will be returned to the ground from whence we came, sometimes – in certain cases – that timeline simply isn’t short enough.

A woman in Melbourne ran afoul of the Earth’s pangs for human flesh earlier today, when a three metre sinkhole appeared beneath her as she was innocently hanging out the washing of an elderly resident she was assisting.  Like a miniature Springvale Sarlacc, the woman fell in the unusually specifically sized hole, down a distance of approximately three metres, and into the pit of mud and water below.
Though her feet could not touch the bottom of the hole – and at one point her head was fully submerged – the woman bravely held on, lasting some 30 minutes before attracting the attention of neighbours.
CFA volunteers arrived on the scene and managed to hoist her from the soil’s jaws using rope, fortunately remaining unharmed – albeit slightly shaken up.
The ordeal is not expected to deter her from any future clothes hanging-related activities, even though the Earth’s hunger, for the time being, remains unsatisfied.
Nearby residents have been urged to remain indoors while council engineers investigate this “highly unusual” incident.
Truly, the Jonah and the Whale of our time.

Photo: Jo Hall via Twitter.