A NSW butcher created a Valentine’s Day meat tray (for one) so perfect I’m tempted to jump in my car and drive the five hours 37 minutes just to go pick one up. It’s a work of art, and better yet, it’s great value for money.

Borella Butchery in Albury is offering a meat tray with two patties, a thick, juicy sausage and just the lightest sprinkling of parsley for less than $4.

It’s the “Valentine’s Day meat tray for one”, the butchery said, which sounds like a challenge to me.

Yes, my friends, it’s the dick-and-balls meat party. Fire up the grill and snap those tongs. You’re cooking for one.

The patties? Full. The sausage? Flacid, but full of promise. The parsley? Not too little, not too much, but juuuuuust right. It’s the Goldilocks of pubes. I mean parsley. I mean pubes. I don’t know what I mean anymore.

The Borella Butchery created the solo meat party pack as a little V-Day giveaway, which of course then went viral on Twitter and Reddit.

“What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than giving your loved one a gift that keeps on giving,” they said on Instagram.

(I have to assume that a) the loved one is yourself, and b) that it keeps on giving until you’re fully satiated and have arrived in meat sweat city, because it hurts my brain to think of any other meaning.

The butchery is giving away four packs, so if you’d like to win one (and live locally enough to collect), then head to its Instagram for a cheeky like / tag / share situation. Otherwise, IDK, just admire the hustle, I guess? Dick and balls meat tray. Never not funny.

Image: Instagram / Borella Butchery